Terms of En-deaf-ment

When you lose your hearing, one of the first problems you must learn to deal with is telling complete strangers all the time, everywhere you go, in every new situation, that you cannot hear. For example, today before 11:00am, I told at least six people I had a hearing loss because my son needed a surgical procedure. He's an adult, but since I am his mother and had to wait for him in the waiting room, I had to tell office staff, his doctor, the anesthesiologist and two nurses. Additionally I had to tell someone when I got a latte.

Unlike blind people or the disabled where there's always some kind of obvious clue-- crutches, dark glasses, wheelchair, cane,. . .with hearing loss there isn't anything too unusual about my outward appearance. Everyone assumes I can hear unless I tell them otherwise. I have learned from experience it's best to get this out of the way first thing. I would rather someone know I can't hear well than having them think I'm stupid or not paying attention.

After informing someone of my hearing loss, then I brace for the reaction, which can be anywhere from "How the FUCK am I supposed to talk to you?!" (Yeah -- someone actually said that-- more than once!) to gushing sympathy --"Oh you poor thing, I'm soooo sorry." Mostly, it's somewhere in between. Generally, people are pretty good about it. I just want acknowledgement that necessary accommodations may need to be made, not sympathy and certainly not anger. What I usually want is for you to look at me, take your hand away from your mouth, stop chewing your gum and biting your nails, or whatever other annoying oral habits you may have, so that I can read your lips.

I also hate it when people assume they know everything about me because they've had previous experience with another deaf or hard-of-hearing person. I do not need you to tell me about an audiologist or doctor who will help me. You don't know anything about me, or my hearing problem. I realize you think very highly of the doctor that helped your grandma, but not all hearing problems are alike. I haven't asked your advice, but let me assure you I've researched my hearing loss thoroughly and I see an internationally known specialist downtown-- probably one of the best on on the west coast. I think I have it covered--thanks. We aren't friends. You're a stranger.

Recently on one of my lists, the question of labels came up again. What do you tell people, so they understand you can't hear? This can be awkward for many of us. If you're not culturally Deaf, you basically have three choices. The Deaf make distinctions between D-deaf and d-deaf (meaning those who are deaf and also speak orally.)

1) d-deaf. The rest of the population doesn't have a clue that some deaf people speak. To inform them of your deafness may confuse them. However in my opinion this is the most correct and effective term, especially if your deafness is severe-profound in the speech ranges-- which mine is. The deaf word gets their attention. You can use a modifier, such as saying "partially deaf" which one of my list-members cleverly thought up. For the past four years, I've always used "practically deaf" or "late-deafened"-- a term coined by the Association of Late-Deafened Adults (ALDA). These are people who became deaf post-lingually like me. Incidentally, 70% of all deaf people become deaf post-lingually.

I looked up the word 'deaf' in the Websters on-line Dictionary. Here's the definition below.

"deaf /dɛf/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[def] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, -er, -est, noun
–adjective
1.
partially or wholly lacking or deprived of the sense of hearing; unable to hear.
2.
refusing to listen, heed, or be persuaded; unreasonable or unyielding: deaf to all advice. –noun
3.
(used with a plural verb) deaf persons collectively (usually prec. by the).
[Origin: bef. 900; ME deef, OE déaf; c. MLG dōf, D doof, OHG toub]"

Still, there can be drawbacks to using the word deaf. When I inform people I'm deaf, they often assume I speak sign language. Sometimes they even compliment me on my ability to speak orally. I feel like complimenting them back--and sometimes I do --with a wink. I actually do use a little sign language, but I'm far from fluent. Mostly, when I'm in a situation with strangers I don't feel like giving a lecture on deafness, why I speak so well, or pointing out how many deaf people actually DO speak orally.

The other two options for informing people and labeling your hearing loss are not without their problems--

2) Hard-of-hearing. What the hell does that mean? Why do the other disabilities not have a similar distinction? Hard-of-seeing as opposed to blindness, or Hard-of-walking? Let's call a spade a spade. If you cannot hear well, you are deaf. I do not understand why people feel it makes a big difference that one person can hear better than another when it is a fact all people with hearing loss struggle. Take the blind. They are ALL called blind, even though some of them can read large print books, and see well enough to walk without a cane. We have handicapped parking at work and a special door for them to walk through. It doesn't matter if they're in a wheelchair, walker or use crutches. They are ALL considered handicapped. We do not call some of them "hard-of-walking" and expect more of them because they really aren't that handicapped. Finally, I should point out it is a fact that those who are culturally deaf and do not speak, frequently have better hearing than those who are late-deafened or hard-of-hearing who DO speak. We are ALL deaf! So I personally feel the term hard-of-hearing is a very misleading designation that causes a schism within the Deaf/deaf community.

3) Hearing-impaired. This is equally vague, and also quite negative. I hate this term. I used to use it because someone told me it was politically correct. Then one day while skiing, I started feeling really good about myself that I had such good health, and I didn't feel at all impaired. That very moment I saw a man whiz by me skiing with no legs. He didn't seem at all impaired either. So I stopped using that term. I do not consider myself impaired. I am challenged in some situations--yes. I am proud of the ways I meet these challenges on a daily basis. I don't consider myself "impaired."