Philly Day Two at the Zoo!

Day Two in Philadelphia there was nothing planned until the Welcome Party at 7pm. Lorne would be flying in around 4-ish and Robyn wanted to see the zoo. She had never seen American animals in real life, she said. Which ones, I asked? She wanted to see a raccoon, which made me smile. I've got a family of raccoons living right in my yard. I actually don't like them very much because they aren't nice to cats. She also wanted to see squirrels, snakes and bears. I have ALL these in my yard. Bears do not come into my yard often, but I have had one. She had to say 'bears' three times then spell it because I couldn't understand what she meant with her accent. It looked like she was saying bees when I read her lips. The New Zealand 'r' is very soft. I couldn't believe they didn't have bees in NZ. HAHA! They DO! Of course!

We got up early, then went to breakfast in the hotel. It turned out Michael, Paul and RuthAnn also wanted to come with us to the zoo, which was fine with us-- the more, the merrier!

Robyn planned on bringing her marmite to breakfast so us Americans could try it, but she forgot. I was SO relieved. It stunk! OH! Before I forget. We became extremely upset with the breakfast service. They had a buffet but several of the board members didn't want that much to eat, so ordered a light breakfast instead-- Robyn included. After an hour and a half, they started throwing down their napkins and getting really pissed off. Nothing came. I got down to breakfast late. I was not hungry because I was still full from Robyn's pineapple lumps the night before. They're SOOOOOOOO good. So anyway, I went up to the desk, and complained about the slowness of their service. My breakfast order was taken and served within minutes. The rest got theirs too. We had tons of problems with the hotel staff throughout. More about that later. None of us ate breakfast at the hotel again until the final breakfast buffet where they went all out to please us, but our silver and plates were not well cleaned. Two people at my table sent their service back. Mine was OK.

Back to the zoo--those of you who know Robyn know she's into photography in a big way, and she takes beautiful pictures. I urge you to go to her blog if you haven't. Photography was the whole point of hitting the zoo. I should mention here, it was the oldest zoo in the country. It opened in 1874. It's a very, very small zoo-- but I sorta liked it because the animals were close and the buildings were old and beautiful. In the Seattle zoo, all the animals have much more space which means they often wander far away from the viewing area. This is better for the animals I know, but I kinda liked being able to see them up close in Philadelphia.

Anyway-- it was hot out and they had confiscated my sunscreen at the airport-- so Paul and I bought some there. It was really cool cuz the bottle has a little metal ring you can attach to a belt loop or your tote so you won't lose it. I LOVED this idea! So did Paul! Now we have matching sunscreens!

We got separated several times at the zoo, so we all exchanged phone numbers and texted each other all the time. Somehow the first time I texted Paul to see where he was, he sent back the word, "just." ARGGHH! Later, when Paul and I couldn't find Robyn, she sent back the word "just" too. This has become a joke -- or maybe it's a secret code I've never figured out.

I should add here Philly is very easy to get around without a car. They have these tourist buses that will drive you to all the fun places tourists like to go. You don't have to worry about navigating a strange city by bus because it goes in a constant circle. If you miss your stop you'll end up there again in no time. Our zoo driver became upset and stressed out when he ended up driving behind a horse drawn carriage traveling on the wrong street. Then he became upset again when another tour bus parked in his spot. I was happy to be riding in the bus instead of driving.

It didn't take long to go thru the zoo. Robyn and Michael decided to do some more exploring. I went back to the hotel with RuthAnn and Paul. On our way back, we ran into some more SWC members going out for lunch, so we tagged along, ending up at a little coffee shop/deli. There I had the worst lunch ever-- though it initially sounded good. A sandwich with roasted eggplant, spinach and white cheese that had no flavor at all. The spinach wasn't sauteed or anything, so it was also tasteless,but it would have been fine if the cheese had some flavor. It was AWFUL! But I ate it up anyway.

Then it was time to go back. Several people by now knew about my stupid mistake with the flight arrangements, and they let me know Lorne got in OK-- ALONE. I hoped he wasn't upset with me. It was time to shower and get ready for the Welcome Party.

I had a blast meeting up with several people I had not seen in over a year. Some of them spoke ASL and I was happy I understood. I let one woman try out my pocket talker cuz she had never seen one. Robyn had brought some wine from New Zealand and was handing out samples. I talked to several others there-- One of the BOD members had some special fortune cookies made up with fortunes that said things like, "If you talk to my back, expect to pay." HAHA! Lorne showed up and assured me he was not mad. I felt better after that. We all had to move downstairs into the bar after 10 so the other hotel patrons could get some sleep. I should not post pics of people without their permissions, so I disguised them all with Photbucket tools. I LOVE Photobucket tools! I took the picture of the flamingoes above too, then turned them into a painting!

I miss Robyn. She's still texting me from CA, telling me where all she's going. Today while at my Weight Watchers meeting she let me know she was eating ice cream on the beach. . .PFFFT.

Communication Barriers

Last Wednesday marked my fourth day in ASL class and I was pleased with my test score of 99 out of 100. This wasn't a huge surprise because much of the vocabulary was a review since I've already taken courses at the Hearing Speech and Deafness Cntr. and have spent lots of time conversing with a couple deaf friends. I was worried that I had lost some vocabulary since I haven't seen them lately, but it's quickly coming back.

The great thing about my college course is my deaf teacher is spending more time on ASL grammar and convention than my previous instructor did. She's moving quickly and I've already picked up many new words including the ASL names for all the local cities around here. Up til now I've only known Seattle, the town where my daughter goes to school, and a few towns in my vicinity. My teacher is absolutely wonderful! She's a natural mime. She has a great sense of humor and it's a perfect class for me in that we aren't allowed to talk, so it's a real visual experience which is the best way for me to learn ASL as a late-deafened person. One concern I previously had about taking college courses was that so many of them are geared towards interpreters.

Because we don't use our voices in class, I go into "no voice" mode and had not talked once until last Wednesday. Occasionally she does ask for people in the class to interpret what she's signing. It's clear she expects class participation and so--last Wednesday she asked (by pointing) for someone to make up a sentence and for someone else to "interpret." Pretty much the entire class had spoken up at some point. I knew she expected me to particpate. There came a time when no one knew the answer but me. As I've explained in the past, when I'm in ASL mode I really enjoy NOT talking, and I take my hearing aids off in class, so I'm kicking back just enjoying ASL and deafness. At that point when she kept asking if anyone knew the answer, I struggled with this because I knew the answer and no one else did. Very hesitantly I raised my hand and spoke aloud-- for the first time.

Then she signed "again" until I repeated my answer three times. She has never done this to anyone else. I always sit right up front. She's hard-of-hearing/deaf-- I'm not sure which. I don't know if I wasn't speaking loudly enough or if she was having trouble reading my lips, but I was embarrassed. I've become self-conscious of my speech because people have said it has changed and have asked about my "accent." Then when she made me repeat the answer over and over and over I wondered if she didn't understand me because I was talking weird, and if everyone else in the class thought I had weird speech. Finally she signed my interpretation was correct and moved on. She has sort of a teasing way about her, so I'm pretty sure she wasn't doing it to be mean. But it was awkward for me and I'm not sure if I will speak again for the rest of the quarter when she asks someone to "interpret." And I can't talk to her about it because we're only allowed to sign with her. Do I need to reframe my perspective? This is way too complicated to for me to discuss with her partly because I might be over-reacting, and partly because I don't have the ASL vocabulary to clearly express my feelings or concerns about the possibility that my speech might be deteriorating along with my hearing. How convoluted is that?? I mean. . . the irony of it-- I'm in ASL to learn how to talk with my hands and feeling awkward about my voice.

Picture above taken by Wanderlust http://flickr.com/photos/phoebewanders/

Say What??

So today I showed up for my djembe lesson, and my instructor greeted me with, "Hi! You can go ahead and use the bathroom first before we start-- if you don't mind."

I didn't need to go to the bathroom. I am fifty years old. I think I know when I need to use the bathroom! My drum lesson is only a half-hour long! This was strange for him to insist I use the bathroom! Firmly, but politely I responded, "No thank-you, I already went before I came." (not that it's any of your damned business I thought to myself)

His eyebrows furrowed and there was a looong pause before he said, ". . .NO. . .I need to use the bathroom. . .IF you don't mind?"

"Oh." I said sheepishly, then started laughing like a crazy woman when it hit me how funny the whole misunderstanding was. I was still laughing when he came back from the bathroom. I'm quite sure he thinks I'm a nut.

Did You Know. . . ???

Thomas Edison was nearly deaf? Some sources say he inherited a progressive hearing loss from his father, while others say it was possibly caused by scarlet fever when he was 14. He himself often claimed he had been "boxed" in the ears while riding a train. He heard a pop and lost his hearing after that. It's hard to say what caused his hearing loss, but he was totally deaf in one ear and 80% deaf in the other.

Sept. 24- 30 is Deaf Awareness Week. This came out of the The World Federation of the Deaf Congress, which met in July of this year. The idea is to educate the public about hh/deafness, its causes, the culture of deafness and the fact that the deaf/hh are highly capable, productive people who have contributed much to the world.

Deaf Hero Day -- Cal Rodgers

Cal Rodgers was born Jan. 12, 1879 and died on Apr. 3, 1912. He became sick with Scarlet Fever when he was six years old and lost his hearing. His achievements were never listed in "deaf" records because he had very little connection to the deaf. However, a biographer Eileen Lebow wrote that he was "almost totally deaf." Additionally, Henry Kisor said that "records of the time say he understood less than half of what was said to him and that his own speech was hard to understand. . . .(While) he could have been classified as severely hard-of-hearing,. . . he experienced what we do, and I consider him one of us."

Rodgers was the first civilian to ever to own a Wright Bros. Flyer bi-plane, and the first to make a transcontinental flight. Of course it wasn't non-stop. Bi-planes weren't capable of that. He named his plane the Vin Fiz, and began his trip at Sheepshead Bay, Long Island, NY on 17 Sept 1911 just four months after getting his flying license. He landed nearly two months later at Pasadena, CA on Nov 5, 1911 after crossing over the Rocky Mountains.

Since the biplane had no navigational equipment he followed the railroads. His bi-plane was temperamental and needed daily repairs. He had no windshield and no protection from bad weather. His body was exposed to the cold and the elements at all times. The plane was blown about in swift gusts of wind. Made of wood, metal and wire, it was light and delicate, difficult to maneuver and unstable. He died flying just four months after his infamous transcontinental crossing when he lost control of his plane near Long Beach, California. Below is a picture of Cal Rodgers with his plane, the Vin Fiz.

Deaf Hero Robert Weitbrecht

This past week my belly dancing instructor made the comment, "There's a fine line between erotic and exotic." In dancing, the difference is in how many inches apart you hold your feet while shimmying. Just a few inches can create a completely different look-- alluring and graceful or flaunting and brash.

The debate we've been having in here and on other blogs between "audism" and "deafism" got me thinking about the lines we draw between ourselves as deaf people. Medically speaking there's a fine line between a severe hearing loss and a profound hearing loss. There's a fine line between "hard-of-hearing" and "late-deafened" or "d-deaf." There's a fine line between oral deaf who were born without hearing and late-deafened who were born hearing, then lost most of their hearing. I know several oral "d-deaf" who hear better than me, who also sign better than me and speak well too. It seems to me they are the best off because they speak and sign so well. I envy them. I wish I were fluent in ASL, but I didn't grow up with a profound hearing loss. I am trying to learn.

Part of the reason I blog is to inform hearing people about deaf people. This is why I have Deaf Hero Day each week. Today's hero is deaf physicist, Robert H. Weitbrecht who invented the coupler for the TTY. Born deaf on April 11, 1920 in Orange, California, Weitbrecht was tutored in speechreading-- the prevailing method of deaf education at that time. He did not learn ASL until he was an adult. Because of his hard work, deaf people were able to communicate with each other by phone.

To read more about Weitbrecht, click on his name.

Second Class Citizen

This happened awhile ago, but I still laugh whenever I think about it. One time Meg and I went to a Thai place for lunch. (The picture above has nothing to do with this story, except that it's of a Thai waitress I got off the net.)

Meg had been mentoring me in ASL and our routine was to eat lunch in restaurants with our hearing aids removed. Because I needed the ASL practice, she normally did the oral speaking when the wait staff came around for our orders. I would point to my order. If the waitress had a question I couldn't lip read or she didn't face me, Meg would sign it to me and I would sign back. Thus, waiters and waitresses sometimes got the impression I was not oral.

I was not doing this to pull the wool over any one's eyes. I want to make it clear I wasn't asking for special favors or accommodations or even sympathy in these restaurants. My decision not to speak was purely motivated by the need for extra ASL practice. The more I could cram into our lunch sessions, the better. Also, I found it relaxing to be able to eat in restaurants without my hearing aids; to be able to communicate freely in ASL without having to worry about hearing. As a late-deafened person, I cannot begin to describe the excitement I felt by doing something as simple as going out to eat in a busy restaurant at lunchtime without the usual encumbrance of worrying about how I was going to HEAR the conversation.

So as usual-- when the waitress came around Meg ordered orally, and I pointed. The waitress had a question about my order and directed it to "oral" Meg, who signed to me, then I signed back, and Meg answered the waitress' questions for me. Soon our meal was brought around and we ate and signed happily for about an hour. Then, I became full and decided I might need a box to take the rest home. I signed, "FULL! Need box." Meg, who eats like a bird, also had a fully loaded plate of food. So Meg waved the waitress over and asked for our meals to be boxed up. Then we began signing about where we wanted to shop after the restaurant. . .

Next thing I know the waitress came over to the table and started boxing up my food, as if I were a child. This is new, I thought. Normally they just drop off the boxes and leave. I started to grab the spoon, but she kindly waved me off and indicated she wished to box it for me, so I let her. And sat there with an awkward stupid grin on my face. Meanwhile Meg waited and waited with her empty box-- thinking the waitress would offer the same service to her. After all, she had more food left on her plate than me. Next, the waitress closed the lid of my box carefully, placed it neatly into a plastic bag, then knotted it tightly -- all the while smiling in such a kind, benevolent way. Then she bowed slightly, turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Meg gaping over a humongous plateful of Thai food and an empty box.

Imagine Meg's surprise.

I signed that maybe the waitress thought she was more capable because she was the "oral" one. We shrugged it off and laughed. But I was honestly shocked. I never realized some people treated the deaf differently, like invalids. This was my first clear experience of audism. Though it wasn't altogether negative, I can only say that was because I tried to justify the waitress' actions by telling myself she meant well. If I really weren't oral, it probably would have hurt deeply that she had bagged my food as if I were a helpless five-year-old.

Carol?

For those of us who cannot hear, phone communication poses a huge challenge. When we are late-deafened, it is sometimes difficult for others to understand why we no longer use the phone. We used to use the phone. We still talk. Now suddenly we avoid the phone -- and it seems somewhat anti-social--especially in today's world when everyone else walks around with phones glued to their ears 24/7. Even my 80-year-old father can't grasp why I don't carry around a cell phone like everyone else. Well-- I do actually. I carry a Sidekick and I text people. (Don't tell him please. He hasn't learned how to text. )

A few days ago someone left a message on my phone because she needed to change my appointment. I can't hear phone messages and rarely use the phone unless I have two super loud 50db amplifiers plus my hearing aids with telecoil compatibility. Then I might briefly talk to family members or close friends --people whose voices I know, who also know me, so they know to shout into my ear. Occasionally it works. . . in a pinch. . . if the house is completely quiet. Nevertheless my considerate husband saved the voicemail message, so I could listen to it. HA!

Two nights ago he asked if I had listened to the voicemail yet. He's a bit fastidious about keeping the phone free of unnecessary messages piling up.

"I can't hear phone messages. Can you write it down on a post-it and leave it somewhere? I'll email instead." I said.

Yesterday morning I found a yellow post-it on the coffee-maker. He knows me so well.

Kim--Email Carol to change your appointment. --he wrote.

What appointment I wondered? Who is Carol? What is her email? Or her phone number even?

Last night, once again eager to delete superfluous phone messages, my husband asked, "Have you changed that appointment yet? Did you see my note? Can I erase this message now?"

"You didn't leave a number," I said.

"I thought you were going to email her," he accused.

"I would if I knew who she was. I have to call with IPrelay --and I don't have the number."

"Did you at least TRY listening to her message?"

"Fine! Gimme the phone!"

I listened. This is what I heard. --"Mwah Kim, mwis is mwah-mwah. bwah-bwah-mwah mwah, mwaaaaaahhh, mwah hahaha mwaa mway mwya meh ma." You get the idea. . .

"Can't hear her," I said.

He listened. "She's from the DVR." (Department of Vocational Rehabilitation)

Okay? I just have to ask. . . I had the appointment with the DVR because I am deaf. WHY would she call on the phone?? Do people not get this? To call a deaf person with a regular phone is sort of like expecting a blind person to read a fine print document. It's like asking someone who uses a walker to hike over a rocky trail. The purpose of the DVR is to help the disabled with accommodations they might need in their work environments. The DVR has my email. I have tried calling them with IP relay before. Huge hassle! Automated phone system with a long menu. Isn't it ironic that an office whose sole purpose of existence is to help the disabled with accommodations would be so unaccommodating?

I will try to email the woman I normally meet, (not "Carol" since she didn't leave an email address), and I hope nothing horrible has happened to her, and also that she gets my message.

Terms of En-deaf-ment

When you lose your hearing, one of the first problems you must learn to deal with is telling complete strangers all the time, everywhere you go, in every new situation, that you cannot hear. For example, today before 11:00am, I told at least six people I had a hearing loss because my son needed a surgical procedure. He's an adult, but since I am his mother and had to wait for him in the waiting room, I had to tell office staff, his doctor, the anesthesiologist and two nurses. Additionally I had to tell someone when I got a latte.

Unlike blind people or the disabled where there's always some kind of obvious clue-- crutches, dark glasses, wheelchair, cane,. . .with hearing loss there isn't anything too unusual about my outward appearance. Everyone assumes I can hear unless I tell them otherwise. I have learned from experience it's best to get this out of the way first thing. I would rather someone know I can't hear well than having them think I'm stupid or not paying attention.

After informing someone of my hearing loss, then I brace for the reaction, which can be anywhere from "How the FUCK am I supposed to talk to you?!" (Yeah -- someone actually said that-- more than once!) to gushing sympathy --"Oh you poor thing, I'm soooo sorry." Mostly, it's somewhere in between. Generally, people are pretty good about it. I just want acknowledgement that necessary accommodations may need to be made, not sympathy and certainly not anger. What I usually want is for you to look at me, take your hand away from your mouth, stop chewing your gum and biting your nails, or whatever other annoying oral habits you may have, so that I can read your lips.

I also hate it when people assume they know everything about me because they've had previous experience with another deaf or hard-of-hearing person. I do not need you to tell me about an audiologist or doctor who will help me. You don't know anything about me, or my hearing problem. I realize you think very highly of the doctor that helped your grandma, but not all hearing problems are alike. I haven't asked your advice, but let me assure you I've researched my hearing loss thoroughly and I see an internationally known specialist downtown-- probably one of the best on on the west coast. I think I have it covered--thanks. We aren't friends. You're a stranger.

Recently on one of my lists, the question of labels came up again. What do you tell people, so they understand you can't hear? This can be awkward for many of us. If you're not culturally Deaf, you basically have three choices. The Deaf make distinctions between D-deaf and d-deaf (meaning those who are deaf and also speak orally.)

1) d-deaf. The rest of the population doesn't have a clue that some deaf people speak. To inform them of your deafness may confuse them. However in my opinion this is the most correct and effective term, especially if your deafness is severe-profound in the speech ranges-- which mine is. The deaf word gets their attention. You can use a modifier, such as saying "partially deaf" which one of my list-members cleverly thought up. For the past four years, I've always used "practically deaf" or "late-deafened"-- a term coined by the Association of Late-Deafened Adults (ALDA). These are people who became deaf post-lingually like me. Incidentally, 70% of all deaf people become deaf post-lingually.

I looked up the word 'deaf' in the Websters on-line Dictionary. Here's the definition below.

"deaf /dɛf/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[def] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, -er, -est, noun
–adjective
1.
partially or wholly lacking or deprived of the sense of hearing; unable to hear.
2.
refusing to listen, heed, or be persuaded; unreasonable or unyielding: deaf to all advice. –noun
3.
(used with a plural verb) deaf persons collectively (usually prec. by the).
[Origin: bef. 900; ME deef, OE déaf; c. MLG dōf, D doof, OHG toub]"

Still, there can be drawbacks to using the word deaf. When I inform people I'm deaf, they often assume I speak sign language. Sometimes they even compliment me on my ability to speak orally. I feel like complimenting them back--and sometimes I do --with a wink. I actually do use a little sign language, but I'm far from fluent. Mostly, when I'm in a situation with strangers I don't feel like giving a lecture on deafness, why I speak so well, or pointing out how many deaf people actually DO speak orally.

The other two options for informing people and labeling your hearing loss are not without their problems--

2) Hard-of-hearing. What the hell does that mean? Why do the other disabilities not have a similar distinction? Hard-of-seeing as opposed to blindness, or Hard-of-walking? Let's call a spade a spade. If you cannot hear well, you are deaf. I do not understand why people feel it makes a big difference that one person can hear better than another when it is a fact all people with hearing loss struggle. Take the blind. They are ALL called blind, even though some of them can read large print books, and see well enough to walk without a cane. We have handicapped parking at work and a special door for them to walk through. It doesn't matter if they're in a wheelchair, walker or use crutches. They are ALL considered handicapped. We do not call some of them "hard-of-walking" and expect more of them because they really aren't that handicapped. Finally, I should point out it is a fact that those who are culturally deaf and do not speak, frequently have better hearing than those who are late-deafened or hard-of-hearing who DO speak. We are ALL deaf! So I personally feel the term hard-of-hearing is a very misleading designation that causes a schism within the Deaf/deaf community.

3) Hearing-impaired. This is equally vague, and also quite negative. I hate this term. I used to use it because someone told me it was politically correct. Then one day while skiing, I started feeling really good about myself that I had such good health, and I didn't feel at all impaired. That very moment I saw a man whiz by me skiing with no legs. He didn't seem at all impaired either. So I stopped using that term. I do not consider myself impaired. I am challenged in some situations--yes. I am proud of the ways I meet these challenges on a daily basis. I don't consider myself "impaired."