Me-- when I could hear well. (1961)Shel wrote a nice comment in my post On the Fence, and asked about my childhood. I guess he wanted to gain a better understanding of what it feels like to be late-deafened.
You're right: I can never fully understand where you are coming from. You can also say you can never understand where I am coming from as I've chosen to own ASL as my mother tongue, and thereby my Deaf identity. It's a long story, dear. I do invite you to read my blog on growing up in a Hearing family at Shel: A Deaf Canadian's Thoughts. This is in response to Open Minded Deaf Observer's negative perspective of life in a Hearing family and life in general. He's entitled to his perspective, and so am I entitled to mine. (So are you to yours! :-)) There are some things you might not understand, but do please feel free to ask me. If you are willing, would you mind describing in depth that experience as a child in school and outside of school? I'd love to hear about it... "hear"... talk about puns!
I've been thinking how to answer this question--'what was my hearing childhood like?' First of all, I want to say I appreciate that you want to understand.
I grew up hearing. **shrug** I'm not sure what more you need to know about that. Do you wish for me to describe what hearing was like? I can't.
I have tried to think of different analogies that might help, but I've realized it's impossible. I've read comments from Deaf people who have said music means nothing to them, or that they wouldn't want to hear because the world is "noisy." I understand that, because when you wear hearing aids many sounds are unpleasant. However, hearing aids do not even come close to natural hearing.
There's a richness to sound you can't possibly understand unless you've heard it. Sound is rarely painful and not usually annoying to people with good hearing. The human ear is every bit as miraculous as the eye.
Of all sounds, music is sublime. There's good reason every culture all over the world celebrates with music. Did you know music probably came before speech? Almost all animals sing or chatter to attract mates. Humans are no different. Read Your Brain On Music for more information about how music and rhythm evolved. Anyway I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I just want to point out how significant sound is to most hearing people. I want you to appreciate how deeply rooted sound is in our human evolution and how connected it is to our emotions. I could tell you about sounds I used to love, but it would be like describing a beautiful sunset to a blind person who has never seen. There aren't words enough.
I don't mean to offend, but music can even enhance orgasm, which is why many hearing people use it to seduce a date, and play it while having sex. It's also evokes spiritual and transcendental experiences, which is why it is used to celebrate God.
Some hearing people love music more than others. I started playing the piano at age four-- the age I was in the picture above. I took ballet dancing, played flute in my school band from fifth-grade on and sang in my church and school choirs. I loved piano best. I haven't completely lost music, but I don't hear it the way I used to and that has left a big void.
Some Deaf people have said that I haven't accepted Deafhood if I don't love being deaf. To me, that's like a childless woman telling a mother who has lost her child that it's wonderful being childless. Once a parent, always a parent -- even after a child dies. There's no going back. It's the same with hearing. I can't go back and pretend I never heard.
So when Deaf people say that I need to move on, that I need to celebrate Deafhood, or that I need to choose which "side of the fence" to sit on-- hearing or deaf, I want to scream, "How DARE you!?" You can't possibly know what it means to become deaf unless you have heard. You've always been Deaf. (When I say 'you' I don't mean you personally Shel, I mean the 'anyone' you.)
I agree I can't possibly know what it's like to be you either.
Life is worth celebrating, whether Deaf, deaf or hearing. Deafhood is no more special than any other way of being. I'm celebrating my own life and my own personal journey, which happens to be neither hearing, nor deaf. I do not grieve the loss of hearing, but I sure do appreciate the meaning of what I've lost. There's no going back.
Smiles,
Kim
You're right: I can never fully understand where you are coming from. You can also say you can never understand where I am coming from as I've chosen to own ASL as my mother tongue, and thereby my Deaf identity. It's a long story, dear. I do invite you to read my blog on growing up in a Hearing family at Shel: A Deaf Canadian's Thoughts. This is in response to Open Minded Deaf Observer's negative perspective of life in a Hearing family and life in general. He's entitled to his perspective, and so am I entitled to mine. (So are you to yours! :-)) There are some things you might not understand, but do please feel free to ask me. If you are willing, would you mind describing in depth that experience as a child in school and outside of school? I'd love to hear about it... "hear"... talk about puns!
I've been thinking how to answer this question--'what was my hearing childhood like?' First of all, I want to say I appreciate that you want to understand.
I grew up hearing. **shrug** I'm not sure what more you need to know about that. Do you wish for me to describe what hearing was like? I can't.
I have tried to think of different analogies that might help, but I've realized it's impossible. I've read comments from Deaf people who have said music means nothing to them, or that they wouldn't want to hear because the world is "noisy." I understand that, because when you wear hearing aids many sounds are unpleasant. However, hearing aids do not even come close to natural hearing.
There's a richness to sound you can't possibly understand unless you've heard it. Sound is rarely painful and not usually annoying to people with good hearing. The human ear is every bit as miraculous as the eye.
Of all sounds, music is sublime. There's good reason every culture all over the world celebrates with music. Did you know music probably came before speech? Almost all animals sing or chatter to attract mates. Humans are no different. Read Your Brain On Music for more information about how music and rhythm evolved. Anyway I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I just want to point out how significant sound is to most hearing people. I want you to appreciate how deeply rooted sound is in our human evolution and how connected it is to our emotions. I could tell you about sounds I used to love, but it would be like describing a beautiful sunset to a blind person who has never seen. There aren't words enough.
I don't mean to offend, but music can even enhance orgasm, which is why many hearing people use it to seduce a date, and play it while having sex. It's also evokes spiritual and transcendental experiences, which is why it is used to celebrate God.
Some hearing people love music more than others. I started playing the piano at age four-- the age I was in the picture above. I took ballet dancing, played flute in my school band from fifth-grade on and sang in my church and school choirs. I loved piano best. I haven't completely lost music, but I don't hear it the way I used to and that has left a big void.
Some Deaf people have said that I haven't accepted Deafhood if I don't love being deaf. To me, that's like a childless woman telling a mother who has lost her child that it's wonderful being childless. Once a parent, always a parent -- even after a child dies. There's no going back. It's the same with hearing. I can't go back and pretend I never heard.
So when Deaf people say that I need to move on, that I need to celebrate Deafhood, or that I need to choose which "side of the fence" to sit on-- hearing or deaf, I want to scream, "How DARE you!?" You can't possibly know what it means to become deaf unless you have heard. You've always been Deaf. (When I say 'you' I don't mean you personally Shel, I mean the 'anyone' you.)
I agree I can't possibly know what it's like to be you either.
Life is worth celebrating, whether Deaf, deaf or hearing. Deafhood is no more special than any other way of being. I'm celebrating my own life and my own personal journey, which happens to be neither hearing, nor deaf. I do not grieve the loss of hearing, but I sure do appreciate the meaning of what I've lost. There's no going back.
Smiles,
Kim
16 comments:
Wow, Kim, really...really good post.
Good posting, explaining to us what being hearing was like. It is hard to explain, since we remember and we can't deny our memories... the senses are part of our identities.
About music, it is funny because I take to high frequencies easily (flute, guitar, etc.) and the vibrations that is considered part of the deaf culture... I don't get it. Well, people are different and it tells how complex the cochlear is. Even I can hear birds and I can easily tell which bird (cardinal, wild turkey, bluejay [bluejays are a bit too loud], to name several... not all birds though. Birds' voices tend to be high pitched, soooo...)
I like the photo of you as the little girl by the way :o)
Kim,
What an amazing post. Your right are so right about music. That has been my greatest joy to listen to the music I forgotten. When I think of music, I think of traveling with my dad and sister in his tiny VW and music screaming, the Broadway musicals, and Meatloaf concert. Then even with hearing aids, it died, just died. Each day a little quieter.
By the way, you were a cutie pie.
Val
Kim,
One small correction: I'm a "SHE". ;-)
Thank you for describing the sounds you loved as a child. When did you become deaf? I had thought you had progressively lost your hearing as a child. My mistake.
When you described the power of music in your world, I could believe it. I can feel the beauty of your world while you were growing up.
I, too, have beauty in my world, of a different kind.
I used to know a late-deafened man who lost his hearing at 14 years old. I don't think he has ever recovered from it as he kept talking about music, and how things used to sound, even many years after the fact.
So, I can imagine your feeling the loss. In your situation, I can truly say it is a hearing LOSS.
In my situation, it's always odd for me when people keep saying that I have "hearing loss" when I NEVER had it in the first place. How could you miss something you never had???
As for saying you need to move on, well, based on my experience with that late deafened man, it IS difficult to do that.
Yet, at some point one has to come to terms with it, and then learn how to perceive the world with other senses, and appreciate it that way. How? Each individual has a different journey.
Shelley
OMG, that was you?! Wow.. I loved that picture! That explains why you are so beautiful because you are so pretty as a little girl! :-)
Some people actually say you haven't accepted Deafhood if you don't love being deaf? That is pretty new to me. I thought the definition of Deafhood is all about people who accepts all deaf regardless if they are oral, CI, etc. It's all about deaf people getting together and respect each other unless I'm wrong?
That is right, life is worth celebrating, deaf or not. I am celebrating my life for who I am, simple as that. :-)
You are great person and I sure look forward to meet you one of these days for sure! :-)
I liked how Shelly said, "Each individual has a different journey." It is very true, everyone have their own different life and stories so each has their own journey. :-)
Hugs
-SG
SG,
Again, with the typo! ;-) I have an e before y... Shelley..
I just birthed 20 kittens when I saw the misspelling of my name.
I agree with SG re: Deafhood... each has their own journey. There's more to it than that, but it's basically the gist.
ShellEy
Sweet Kim.... ahhhh... I am deeply moved by your post. I have lived it. We could be soul-sisters. I have vlogged and written several posts on the loss of music, the transformation from my hearing self to my deaf self, and my acceptance of myself as a Deaf person through the acquisition and fluency of ASL. While I feel more "Deaf" than "deaf" at this point in my life, like you I cannot deny where I came from.
My heart is split wide open at your words here, dear one, and I remember....
Hugs.
~ LaRonda
Ahh.. I'm soooo sorry, Shelley!! I must say you have unique name with an E before Y because Shelly is pretty common so I always think of "Shelly" every time I see your name, my bad!! Ha ha.
Forgive me, please!? :-) Shelley, it is.. oh I want kittens, he he.
Hugs
-SG
*SIGH*
Yeah, you're forgiven, SG, especially since my house can't handle 20 kittens. You can have 19 of them LOL
LaRonda, oh yes, you can most definitely relate to Kim on this one. How long did it take for you to get to the point where you are at?
Shelley
Thanks for a most moving and enlightening, yet totally heartfelt blog on how it feels to be late-deafened. I'll bookmark this as an impeccably written literary reference for the future.
One does not know what one has lost if one never had it, nor does one know what one has lost till it is lost. Thank you for the glimpse.
Very nice, Kim! Just for clarification for me, when you said you don't grieve the loss of your hearing, I need to ask you whether or not you grieved the losss at the initial onset. If you did, do you remember how you got your head around it?
Thank you all for the nice comments. :-)
Shel-- I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. . .Shelley isn't usually a man's name. HAHA!
LaRonda-- I have often felt like you were a soul sister! Our journeys have been different, but very similar.
Anonymous-- You asked about how to get your head around the grief. I grieved for probably twenty-five years, so maybe I'm not a good one to ask about that. (smile) This could be an entire blog in itself. I'll have to think about this and get back to you.
Shel--You asked when I became deaf. With progressive hearing loss, I was in a state of becoming deaf for years. It's hard to know exactly when the hearing loss started. I was diagnosed with hearing loss at age 19, but it started before that.
When I became deaf depends on your definition of deafness. Is it when you have ANY hearing loss? Is it when you rely on visual cues such as speech reading more than hearing? Is it when you no longer benefit from hearing aids? Is it when you feel you've finally accepted your deaf identity-- when you can talk about it without crying? Is it when you finally feel at peace with your deafness? I don't know when I became deaf.
This is probably worth a blog like Anonymous question above-- how do you wrap your head around it.
This is interesting. I have to partly agree with the fellow who said that the world is so noisy -- I have real trouble believing that hearing people actually invented lawn mowers, leaf blowers, and the internal combustion engine sometimes. Mechanical noises are truly horrific, almost without exception.
But music and speech ... wow. Especially music, and singing. If my ears let only those in, and natural sounds like wind and birds and purring cats, I'd be delighted.
Janis, LOL
You have a great sense of humour. I agree about the mechnical inventions. Want to know how noisy? I can FEEL the lawn mower rumbling from a couple metres away.
You could say the same thing about ambulance and police sirens in the dead of the night... I'm the only one who wakes up in the morning refreshed and wondering why hearing people are so cranky LOL.
However, about music. I grew up in a family who loves music on both sides of the family. As a child, I used to feel special because I was the only one who got to sit on my uncle's lap with his guitar on MY lap while he strummed the instrument. I could feel the music vibrations... I'm trying to think how to describe how it FELT to me... Some short beats "m", "m", "m", then long "mmmmm"... I don't know if this actually makes sense to you who either hear or used to hear. I think the long beat was the bass? I'm not doing a good job of explaining how it felt to the touch. I also sat next to my aunt and touched HER guitar.
On my mother's side I used to watch my uncles playing the sax, trumpet and trombome ( I used to play with that one as it was fun to move that tube-like part that is moveable), as well as the recorder. My grandmother had a HUGE piano that looked like it was from the 1930s... I loved to play the loud end of the piano... POOR hearing family members!
For me, the ability to hear wasn't essential to enjoy the vibrations of the music. Music just had to be LOUD no matter how bad the music was. It could be Chopin, or rock, and I'd never know the difference.
Shelley
Kim: I like your blog and the way you talk about things. Your English is easy to understand.
I am from Taiwan, in Asia. I am a grad student study on deaf culture.
I had an interesting process from hearing culture to Deaf culture.
There was time I envy deaf friends. They sign smoothly, when I don't. Sign language is very beautiful to me when I know it better and better.
I wonder if deaf people "feel" beautiful on ASL or other sign language. Maybe you are used to it.
For study, I went to deaf church in the past year. These two weeks I went back to my hearing church and surprised by the music in church.
I was too used to music, but when I come back from deaf culture I can really "feel" the music again. At the moment I fear that sometime I may lost hearing as well.
Some of my deaf students feel "fear" when I ask them to close eyes. They depends on seeing very much.
The fear to lost seeing may help deaf friends to imagine lost hearing of a music lover.
From deaf to hearing, there are many kinds of situation, people are various. Each one is unique.
If we understand it, we won't ask others to be "the same" with us. And we can love the unique "I", no matter deaf, hearing, loss hearing, or any other situation.
p.s I think dance is a good way to deaf to understand music. How do you think?
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