You still hang out with HER?

Recently I was having a conversation with someone when I mentioned that my husband and I had spent an enjoyable evening having dinner with an old high school friend and her wife a couple weeks ago. Her response-- "You're still friends with THEM?!"


"Yeeess-- WHY?" I asked. I knew what she was getting at. They're lesbians.


And they are perfectly nice people. They don't have any offensive habits. They don't swear. They don't drink. They aren't obnoxious. They don't smell bad. They don't gossip. We have the same political views, but we don't talk politics much. They don't spend the entire evening bragging about themselves or their kids. In fact they're quite entertaining. They tell stories about their pets mostly. They have interesting hobbies. They collect rocks, antique bottles and teapots. One of them knits beautifully, and they like to put puzzles together. They always have a puzzle going on their kitchen table, and they bring it out again after dinner is cleared. So we sit around putting a puzzle together, drinking coffee and talking 'til it's time to go home. It's nice. Above all, they're respectful of my vegetarian diet and sympathetic of my hearing problems. Really-- they're very considerate, kind-hearted, fun people. I LIKE them. "Why shouldn't we be friends?" I asked.



"I don't have a problem with gays," she said, "I just don't know why they have to be so open about it." Welllll, in my opinion she DOES have a problem with gays if that's how she feels. I know exactly why they have to be open about it. I know it sounds weird, but as someone who is late-deafened, who doesn't fit into the mainstream, being open about being different is something I understand only too well.



When you are "different," you quickly learn there are two kinds of people in the world-- the tolerant types and the intolerant types. Being open about who you are helps to identify the intolerant ones, so you won't waste much time developing feelings for them.



Since my deafness isn't readily apparent, I like to get the shock of it out of the way immediately after an introduction. It's almost always the first thing I tell someone about myself.


Likewise, my lesbian friend dresses like a man and wears her hair shorter than my husband's--on purpose-- so people will know something's up with her sexuality right off the bat. It's hurtful when someone you've grown to like dumps you because they can't handle who you are. When you aren't part of the mainstream it's best to put it out there on the table right at the beginning--the sooner the better. This is who I am, take it or leave it. This is why I'm so "open" about my deafness --telling people immediately, and this is why SHE is so open about her sexuality to the point of dressing like a man.


Sometimes I wish there were deaf dress codes or something, so I wouldn't have to announce it all the time. Blind people have their white canes. Others have their wheelchairs and walkers. Deaf people have no official mark of identification. It would be nice if we did, though I can't think what that might be. So-- I have been wondering what could be an appropriate way of identifying deaf people-- Mohawk? No. Tattoo on forehead? No. Fake clown ears? No. Then I thought of it. Deaf people often use their hands to communicate. We could all wear the same distinctive, officially recognized "deaf" ring on the middle digit of our right hands. (I'm just throwing this out there, it doesn't have to be the middle-finger of the right hand, but the middle finger is a good finger for rings.) I like the idea of a gold or silver ILY sign, but there would have to be some kind of official insignia to go along with it to differentiate our deaf rings from fakes.

What do you think of this idea?