Today I awoke to a familiar sound-- my husband puking in the toilet. Retching must fall in the 250 hertz range on an audiogram because I can hear it perfectly without hearing aids. 250 hertz is my only normal score. Sometimes I wonder if God preserved just this one frequency so I would always know when he was having a Menieres attack. I'm deaf to most of his speech.
I got out of bed. "Can I get you anything?" I already knew his answer would be no, but he often needs something. He only says no because he wants to be left alone. Our usual routine is I suggest things until he angrily waves me away because I feel so helpless knowing how miserable he is and not being able to do anything. Somehow it doesn't seem right to go about my usual business ignoring him, which is exactly what he wants me to do.
"How about a pillow or blanket?" This is code for 'Are you almost done throwing up?' I don't want to ask outright if he's done, because it's sort of negative. The throwing up phase can last hours and hours. His longest attack so far lasted about eight hours. Though that's not exactly correct, because I'm only talking about the throwing up part of it. People think when I say he had an attack that lasted eight hours, it means eight hours of flu-like symptoms. No, it's not like that.
I got out of bed. "Can I get you anything?" I already knew his answer would be no, but he often needs something. He only says no because he wants to be left alone. Our usual routine is I suggest things until he angrily waves me away because I feel so helpless knowing how miserable he is and not being able to do anything. Somehow it doesn't seem right to go about my usual business ignoring him, which is exactly what he wants me to do.
"How about a pillow or blanket?" This is code for 'Are you almost done throwing up?' I don't want to ask outright if he's done, because it's sort of negative. The throwing up phase can last hours and hours. His longest attack so far lasted about eight hours. Though that's not exactly correct, because I'm only talking about the throwing up part of it. People think when I say he had an attack that lasted eight hours, it means eight hours of flu-like symptoms. No, it's not like that.
It's eight hours of throwing up with head in the toilet. What I mean is he cannot move his head away from the toilet for eight long hours. He feels he's going to fly off the edge of the earth if he moves his head or legs or any part of his body. That's vertigo. Your world spins out of control as if you're on a hellish ride at an amusement park. It lasts hours and hours and hours until he collapses. If he weren't so strong he would collapse earlier, and I would need to call 911 so he could be taken to an emergency room, but so far we've been able to avoid that spectacle. Afterwards, he needs to sleep and can have days and days of not feeling 'right' in the head.
Talking makes him throw up. This morning I couln't hear his response to my question about the pillow and blanket because his head was in the toilet and I needed to see his lips.
"Can you sign?" I asked. Sound came from the toilet but no sign from his hands. I assumed he wanted to be left alone and found a quilt to put over his back and shoulders. That's all I could do.
Last Friday he had an attack on his way to work and hadn't shown up by 1pm. Everyone was out searching for him. I took two hours off work to drive his route just in case he had pulled off the road somewhere, and was in need of help. My imagination ran wild with thoughts that maybe he flipped his car due a sudden drop attack. I've heard nightmare stories of this happening. The other worry that kept running through my mind were the similarities between initial onset of a Menieres attack and initial heart attack. What if he thought it was Meneires and pulled off the road, but had a massive heart attack instead? I didn't find him and was frantic by the time I got back to work. Luckily when I arrived a message was waiting that he'd been found in the parking garage of his office. He had been missing for six hours. He had his cell phone, but wasn't thinking clearly, so turned it off and didn't call anyone to let them know where he was.
He's in a deep sleep now. Later today I'll pump him with liquids and he'll bounce back quickly because he's so fit and basically in great health. When he isn't sick he works out two hours a day.
Menieres disease also causes hearing loss. I've told this story to many friends. He is one reason I am sure of God-- but I won't debate religion with anyone. The first time we met, I shook his hand and I got a message he was THE ONE. It was weird because we met at work. He didn't ask me out for months, but I knew the entire time he was going to be my future husband. I even told my mom. It wasn't like I was into him or anything. I didn't know him well enough to be that into him. That's how strange it was.
Talking makes him throw up. This morning I couln't hear his response to my question about the pillow and blanket because his head was in the toilet and I needed to see his lips.
"Can you sign?" I asked. Sound came from the toilet but no sign from his hands. I assumed he wanted to be left alone and found a quilt to put over his back and shoulders. That's all I could do.
Last Friday he had an attack on his way to work and hadn't shown up by 1pm. Everyone was out searching for him. I took two hours off work to drive his route just in case he had pulled off the road somewhere, and was in need of help. My imagination ran wild with thoughts that maybe he flipped his car due a sudden drop attack. I've heard nightmare stories of this happening. The other worry that kept running through my mind were the similarities between initial onset of a Menieres attack and initial heart attack. What if he thought it was Meneires and pulled off the road, but had a massive heart attack instead? I didn't find him and was frantic by the time I got back to work. Luckily when I arrived a message was waiting that he'd been found in the parking garage of his office. He had been missing for six hours. He had his cell phone, but wasn't thinking clearly, so turned it off and didn't call anyone to let them know where he was.He's in a deep sleep now. Later today I'll pump him with liquids and he'll bounce back quickly because he's so fit and basically in great health. When he isn't sick he works out two hours a day.
Menieres disease also causes hearing loss. I've told this story to many friends. He is one reason I am sure of God-- but I won't debate religion with anyone. The first time we met, I shook his hand and I got a message he was THE ONE. It was weird because we met at work. He didn't ask me out for months, but I knew the entire time he was going to be my future husband. I even told my mom. It wasn't like I was into him or anything. I didn't know him well enough to be that into him. That's how strange it was.
All these years he has been so patient while I've been losing my hearing. I've heard the complaints from other late-deafened friends-- husbands who wouldn't allow TV captioning, or wouldn't repeat more than twice, and couldn't handle all the hearing loss issues. My husband has been so great about it. NOW he's losing his hearing, and I'm in a position to help him through this. I can't help thinking it was meant to be. US-- I mean. Not the hearing loss. He doesn't deserve this hell.
5 comments:
It's been suggested that I have Meneire's, but my attacks are nowhere near as violent as your husband's, and I have them very infrequently....years between episodes, in fact...so I don't think that's it. I feel for your husband...the vertigo is horrible...but mine has never been that bad. I cannot imagine!
I wasn't late-deafened, necessarily...I was deaf when we were married, although I heard better than I do now. When I started losing my hearing again last year, my hubby had a hard time dealing with the hearing loss issues...which has been hard. Instead of us being able to deal with them together, he deals in his way and I in mine...which hasn't been optimal. You are indeed blessed to have someone who understands...and you can now support him :)
I'm sorry to hear you husband has attacks like that. I wish you two the best.
Dennis
Hi Jennifer,
It is possible you have had Menieres episodes. It is a difficult condition to diagnose because of its varying symptoms. Some people do go years between attacks while others have them regularly. Some have mild attacks and others have to be hospitalized. Some can be "cured" with dietary changes while others try everything and cannot find a cure. It's a frustrating condition to diagnose and treat. Your hearing has suffered more than my husband's, but he really suffers with the dizzies.
Hi KW! It's Paul (S)toctkon. :)
Your HB sure has it (Menieres)worse than I've suffered - and *I* considered it devastating during my worst episodes, which ran about 2 hours max (dizzies). All my empathy to him, and of course, you as well, because it's never easy to honor the "...in sickness and in health..." part when you *really* experience it!
Question: Is the "vertigo-new" picture in this post yours or public domain? I'd like to post it on my blog because it's a perfect symbol of what we Menieres sufferers experience. It's just like that, constantly falling, spinning...
Paul S
Hi Paul-
Thanks for stopping by. Feel free to use the picture. All my pics are in the public domain, or from flickr or caedes.net. If they belong to someone with a name like the header on my blog, then I offer the name and link to their work, but I found this picture by googling vertigo and images (I think?).
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