Diverse Thoughts: Who Belongs in your Inner Circle?

Lately I've been reading a lot of interesting blogs and thinking about the terms d-deaf and D-deaf. Chris Heuer generated a great discussion when he asked if oral deaf were developing their own culture. Since I'm neither oral deaf or culturally deaf, I didn't have an opinion on this specifically, but followed the debate-- which eventually morphed into the question of who is part of Deaf culture. I should clarify--yes I'm oral-- but I didn't grow up deaf so I consider myself LATE-deafened. My "culture" is White Anglo-Saxon Protestant American. YUP. I'm a WASP.

I could never claim to be "culturally" deaf, and I'm not sure I'd want to be. Frankly, after weeks of reading all kinds of Deaf blogs and trying to understand Deaf logic I have to admit I'm still perplexed. Many Deaf bloggers are exceedingly bright, logical and articulate. It's the concept of excluding anyone who doesn't fit certain rigid qualifications of the "Deaf" deafinition that throws me. The Deaf define deafness differently than Webster’s dictionary: "Deafness: Deafness is defined by partial or complete hearing loss. Levels of hearing impairment vary from a mild but important loss of sensitivity to a total loss of hearing."

OK-- In fairness, Webster’s is an English dictionary. The validity of a separate Deaf definition could be argued. ASL IS a separate language, after all. According to Deaf culture I have deafness and I'm a part of deaf community, but I'm not Deaf, I'm only. . . deaf. What I question is the elitism expressed by some. Though, I get the feeling it's only a minority of Deaf who promote elitism. The majority seem open to including others/any deaf person fluent in ASL.

I've asked those in the minority--I’ll call them the “excluders“-- how the Deaf benefit from excluding others, and I was told by one my question offended her because I was somehow disrespecting/invalidating Deaf culture since I would never ask the same question of a Korean or French person. This is not true. I WOULD ask if we were discussing Korean or French policies of exclusion. I had prefaced my question with examples of the benefits of diversity within America. I was simply trying to understand something that didn‘t make any sense.

Historically, when a small group of people have fought for independence, rights, or whatever, most have traditionally adopted the motto, "United we stand, divided we fall." -- It's from Aesop. During the American Revolution, we were made of 13 separate colonies who fought amongst each other, then realized the only way to win our independence against the greatest power on earth would be to pull together. One reason the American Indians failed against the white man was because they could not unite, and we used this weakness against them by constantly spreading rumors to keep them suspicious of each other. The one time they did unite they were a powerful scary force. It's an old trick-- divide and conquer. Do I see through hearing eyes or American eyes?

One offended "excluder" used a whole lot of armchair psychology on me. Here’s a nice little quote (yes--I‘m being sarcastic): “I think that (your comment) stems from the feeling that Deaf culture is somehow unimportant and expendable, just as ASL is somehow not "appropriate" for deaf babies (but fine for hearing babies, for example).”

Just for the record--I believe ALL deaf babies should learn ASL. However, it isn’t for me to tell others what to do or to judge them when they don’t do what I think they should. I am late-deafened. I’m learning ASL. If I had a deaf child, which I don’t, I would want that child to learn ASL. Also, if I had a deaf child I would love him/her equally, just as I hope you all would love a hearing child. It makes me gag when I hear deaf people saying they want a deaf child. Of course I understand you want a child like yourself, but it's sort of the same thing as a hearing person saying she would be disappointed if her child were deaf-- reverse discrimination. If you don't like hearing people saying this about their deaf children, you shouldn't say this about your own hearing children. When I was pregnant all three times I only said I hoped my children were healthy and that I would love whatever God gave me. I have encouraged my hearing children to learn ASL. I do not judge others for following a different path, but please love ALL your kids for who they are.

I have mentioned that America values diversity. Admittedly we need to work on it. There are some unpopular exclusive groups. KKK for example. We've had a lot of racial incidents lately. . . On a personal level I despise all forms of exclusion. I have gay friends, Buddhist friends, black and Asian friends. I grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance with the phrase,. . ."and liberty and justice for all" and I took it to heart. I assume American deaf children say the same Pledge. I believe America has benefited tremendously from black culture, Latino culture, Asian and Jewish cultures just to name a few, and yes, even gays and gay culture. We are, in fact, the greatest country in the world because some of the most talented people come here to live, and we welcome them with open arms. This is our American way. I give one obvious and very convincing example--Albert Einstein. I could list thousands.

Further I feel compelled to point out that some of America’s most celebrated Deaf heroes don’t fit the prototypical Deaf culture ideal because they were oral. Just to name a few--Edmund Booth, Regina Olsen Hughes, Donald L. Ballantyne, Robert Weitbrect, Erastus Smith and many, many more. Those of you who would exclude oral Deaf from your inner circle, how do you teach your children about these Deaf heroes? Are they completely ignored?

Judging from blog input lately, the entire Deaf community seemed deeply disturbed by the racial incident at MDDS this past month. The response actually surprised me--mainly because this sort of thing happens in hearing schools all the time. I believe the only reason it made the national news at all was because of the “twist” involving deaf students. It wasn’t even a particularly violent attack. The kid was drawn on for heaven‘s sake. Kids get beaten up and stabbed for being the wrong color at hearing schools all the time. If this had happened at a private hearing school? (***yaaaawwwwnnn***). Not that it should be overlooked, but things like this happen so often that unless someone nearly died, it would be overlooked.

The fact that the Deaf blogged about it for a full ten days or so opened my eyes to the true colors and feelings about the community of Deaf bloggers. They care intensely about diversity, racism and inclusion. I conclude exclusion is NOT a Deaf value held by most.

Finally, I'm taken aback by those who reject the medical model of deafness. I was surprised by the blog about cell phone etiquette during Deaf events and how many readers admitted being able to use a cell phone in noisy environments. The thing is, most late-deafened and oral deaf people I know have a lot of trouble using cell phones-- IF they use phones at all. I almost never see anyone using them at late-deafened events. Admittedly some can use cell phones in quiet places with awkward accommodations attached, NEVER in public. It's super rare. We're DEAF! Does it seem a little strange to anyone that my oral-deaf friend Kate who uses a TTY, Sidekick for texting only, and video phone for all phone communication would be labeled only hard-of-hearing since her primary mode of communication is oral? She does know ASL, but her husband and children are hearing, and she was mainstreamed as a kid. Not her fault!

I think Paotie summed it up best when he said that (rejecting the medical model of deafness) was like one black person telling another he's MORE black. But hey-- that does happen! Blacks do get down on each other for acting too white sometimes. I’ll give you one guess who’s more successful in life-- the black guy who talks in “Ebonics” or the one who uses proper English?

Personally--I see us all on a continuum with hearing people being at one end and deaf non-oral at the other. The rest of us fall in-between somewhere. We either speak or we don't depending on where we fall on the continuum and when we fell there. Some of us use ASL, some don't. We're all deaf to some degree. None of us is better than anyone else. We all deserve compassion and respect. You’ve all given me smiles, even those of you I disagree with.

Please keep blogging because I‘m captivated.