My Favorite Place

I'm just playin' around with my pictures. This is a collage of one of my favorite places. Long Beach, WA. We often go there. The little red and yellow kite is my delta, and the rainbow colored one is a Chinese Dragon kite. You can't see the head very well, but it has a cow jumping over the moon. We also have a stunt kite my husband likes to play with, and another purple and pink delta, as well as an assortment of portable folding children's kites and what not. The little building with the flag is a place to buy fish and fresh cranberries. Weird combination, I know. . . but well, it's on the ocean and also home to a very large cranberry bog. There is some good hiking and birding out at Ledbetter State Park, which is at the very tip of the Long Beach peninsula. You cannot see them very well, but on the far right second from the top just below where I am holding a kite is a picture of a bunch of gulls. My husband was watching for a rare type one day up at Ledbetter. We usually buy fish on the way to the beach. Clams have been a tradition. Though I don't usually eat meat, I will occasionally eat a clam, because it doesn't seem like it has a brain. I have been dreaming of the beach now that Christmas is over and the New Year is beginning. Long Beach has a kite festival every August that draws people from all over the world.

A Question About Blackberries

Since a thief took my Sidekick, I will need to replace it. I might not get a Sidekick this time, so I am hoping for advice on what to get.

If you own a Blackberry, please let me know which type you have, what features you like, and also why you like these features. I would really appreciate this information.

Later, if enough of you respond, I'll publish a blog on what hard-of-hearing, deaf and Deaf people like the most, what is most popular, what features seem to be the most popular and so on--but only if enough of you respond.

Also when you respond-- if you could say whether you are hard-of-hearing, deaf, or Deaf and whether you talk with the phone, or only text, or use a loop or whatever. That makes a difference. If you don't want me to publish your response, just say so, and I won't.

Thanks!

Robbed on Christmas Eve

We were robbed on Christmas Eve. The thing that bothers me most is my husband and I have been trying to save money, so we didn't buy each other anything for Christmas this year. We only bought gifts for other people. (sigh) It seems like whenever we try to get ahead, we end up a few steps behind. I hope the people who stole our stuff really needed it.

I can understand stealing the two brand new winter coats from my trunk. Brand new too! $300.00. I was going to take them back. I couldn't decide, then in the meantime my mother-in-law bought a new coat for our son. I would have liked to think a homeless person needed coats because it was cold. A homeless person could use a coat since it has been snowing and so cold here, but I'm having a much harder time picturing a homeless person making use of my son's snowboarding gear that was also in the trunk -- valued at over $500.00. Luckily the board itself was in the garage. Then there was the bag with a really nice pair of curtain scarves. Do desperate homeless people need sheer window curtain scarves? I had been planning to take those back to Linens N Things because I changed my mind about the color. Another $150.00 or so. Several CD's were taken. $100.00. And finally, my Sidekick. $300.00. We've cancelled the plan, of course. Our homeowners insurance covers theft, but there's a deductible.

I've been wondering what goes through someone's mind while they're stealing from people on Christmas Eve who are sitting in church. Then today, my son said the sweetest thing. "Mom--don't worry. Whoever did this is living a crappy life." And he's right.

This is just a small blip. It is inconvenient and aggravating, but I still have my home and car and job. I can afford an abundance of food on the table all year long. I still have warm clothes to wear. I have so many clothes I'm trying to get rid of them. I have way too much stuff. I am lucky with family. Unlike other people who can't stand their in-laws, I love mine, and my parents too. I am fortunate to be surrounded by so much love-- an abundance of family and friends who are like family. My son is right. Whoever robbed us is having a crappy life, otherwise he or she would have been enjoying themselves with people on Christmas Eve-- like I was. (The above is my husband and his dad being silly. He stuffed balloons in a pair of pantyhose and put them on his head. Don't ask. . .)

Pajama Epiphany

I had an epiphany last night while sleeping. I must be kind of dim because for days I've been wondering what "deficit thinking" REALLY means. It seems I've read at least twenty-five different definitions by now and I wasn't getting it.

Earlier in the evening I had my Kundalini meditation session with Subhan-- which was was wild, but enlightening. Subhan says it all comes together when you reach three points: 1) self-awareness 2) self-acceptance and 3) relaxation.

I don't know about others, but I have the most problem with number two. I'm old enough to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses, and I can relax, but dang-- I still have such a hard time accepting my faults. In fact sometimes I even dwell on them, which can lead to self loathing.

Most the time I do not mind deafness. When I'm alone or with other deaf/HH people, it's no problem at all. But all those awkward times, like today when a lady, cursed, sighed, rolled her eyes and yelled at me because she had to repeat a question--that kind of event gets buried, then comes back as a headache, or keeps me awake at night. It hurts. It's not my fault.

On the one hand the reasonable side of me knows that woman had a problem. On the other hand, because I was working, I had to smile and remain calm and be nice to her. I would have liked to ask her if she thought I purposely developed a hearing loss specifically to annoy her at the library. I mean-- my God if she thinks SHE has it rough having to repeat three times, how does she think I feel having to ask for repeats?!?!?!?

So self-acceptance can be a hard one. Last night I worked on that while meditating and I guess it must have been rolling around in my mind while I was sleeping because suddenly I woke up in the middle of the night with the answer.

Deficit thinking is when you don't accept yourself as a deaf or Deaf person. (I'm applying this to d/Deafness, but I think it can apply to anyone.) It's when you don't accept yourself. When you don't fully accept yourself, and I mean LOVE yourself because that's what self-acceptance is, then you cannot accept others for who THEY are. In order to fully love others, you must accept yourself with all your own flaws, so you can look past other people's flaws.

In order to accept others, to be open to new ideas, technology, culturally different people, we must first become comfortable with who WE are. I hope we can all help each other become comfortable.

(top photo from flickr chicagokristi, side photo-petersblog.org/images/self-love.jpg)

Cochlear Implants for Babies??

So I've been reading Mishkazena's blog, and as usual the issue of Cochlear Implants for babies has came up again. Some feel AGBell, Cochlear Implants for babies, and a few oral deaf people who blog about the positive benefits of oral education was the root cause of all this fuss-- which finally led to John's deficit thinking/censorship outburst. Read his blog here if you haven't already. John's blog (Since the time I originally posted my blog, John has recanted. Now he says he only meant deficit thinking should be censored, not certain individuals. See Johns New Blog.) At this point I'm super confused. I don't know how you can censor thoughts. I don't mean this sarcastically. I understand there's a disconnect because John's second language is English and I'm just now learning ASL. We're all supposed to be part of the same community but we don't even speak the same language.

As a late-deafened person. I often feel like I have one foot in deaf world and one in hearing. While my world isn't always totally silent, I think I understand the daily ins and outs of deafness. To give an example, recently my kids were talking about the sound squirrels made.

"They make sounds?" I asked. I didn't know. I grew up hearing. I should have known all the animal sounds by age fifty. But life is a learning experience and I have missed a few things along the way. We don't know exactly when my hearing loss began, so maybe I missed more things than I realized. I had never heard squirrel chatter before, and no one ever mentioned it. That I'm fifty, and only just now learned animals in my yard make a noise I didn't know about floored me!! That's what deafness is all about. For me. . . Deafhood is something different for others.


Similar incidents have happened over the years. On camping trips I've learned we were near rivers or lakes in the morning. Everyone else heard it when we pitched our tent at night, but they never said anything. People knew there were beehives in places I didn't know about because they could hear the hum. My deaf world is full of wonder. There's surprise when I'm on a hike and round a bend to find a waterfall. The hearing know it's there all along because they can hear it for miles.

BUT because they are too distracted with their ears, hurrying to get to a river or an ocean they hear, sometimes they miss other things I see with my eyes. I stop and marvel at dew on a spiderweb, an unusual red bug, a pretty rock, and lag behind hearing hikers because I'm in awe of the beauty around me. Colors seem more brilliant than they did when I could hear well. Movement catches my eye with its rhythm. Sunlight and shadows wink through spaces to catch my attention. Maybe that's how I enjoy Deafhood? I don't know. That's when I enjoy deafness.

I have been deaf to many sounds most my life, if not speech-- and now I'm deaf to most speech too. I still understand the hearing world because I remember hearing. I remember the soft and tinkly sound of flowing water in the distance. I also remember the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet. I barely remember cricket chirps. I haven't heard a mosquito since I was a very little girl, but I remember they made a high-pitched sound when they flew. So I know what it's like to be distracted by sounds. Hearing is still my "culture" even though I don't quite fit in. I have missed out on a lot of stuff after I started to lose my hearing.

I am not hearing or Deaf. I am deaf. In my perfect world everyone would sign and talk at the same time. The hearing would caption their videos and the Deaf would caption their vlogs. I would not care about sentence structure or spelling because I appreciate the time it takes to caption. I realize not everyone's first language is English. I would not care about perfect ASL because I realize not everyone's first language is ASL.

So what does any of this have to do with Mishkazena's blog??? And implants for babies??? I keep wondering about the subject of cochlear implants on babies. Have any of you personally known a baby who was implanted? I haven't. I have read the occasional news accounts of the rare implant that got infected. Circumcisions also get infected sometimes, and they are painful. Babies are given nothing to deaden the pain. I think it's a brutal practice. (If you want to read a horror story, there was a baby boy many years ago whose penis accidentally got lopped off during circumcision. A psychologist decided it would be best to turn him into a girl after that. Very, very sad, but true story!!) As Nature Made Him

I have seen videos of people who were implanted young and they seem to have better speech than people my age who grew up with hearing aids. Since I'm deaf I have asked others to evaluate their speech too. The deaf speech doesn't seem to be present. This is really great I think, because unclear "deaf speech" can be considered somewhat of an obstacle in the hearing world and may hinder one's job propects!

The reason hearing parents may choose to implant their kids is because infant language development begins early. National Institutes of Health Language Development A lag in language development can impact a child's ability to read and learn later on. We all know how important education is, especially in today's world. I honestly don't think believe cochlear implants are about "hearing supremacy" or a desire to wipe out Deaf people. They are about opportunities. I have met a few implanted late-deafened adults who can talk on telephones and I'm impressed with their hearing capabilities. I don't know if they can hear mosquitos or squirrels. Probably not. But I knew them before their implants and after, so I was able to make a comparison. The differences astounded me!!

If I had a Deaf child I'm not sure what I would do about a cochlear implant, but I AM sure the child would be taught ASL. I am not an expert on any of this. I am only a late-deafened mom who has raised three kids, and this is only my opinion based on how I see it. There are risks with the cochlear implant--yes. But there may also be many opportunities. Each parent needs to weigh the risks and oppportunities against the child's individual needs, whether the child has other challenges, and how healthy the child is. Parents need to consider their own lifestyles, their financial resources, and family support systems. There are so many factors to consider before a major surgery. Perhaps the some parents feel pressured into implanting their child and cave. It's intensely personal and we shouldn't judge them after the decision has been made. They only do their best given the information they've received.

I wish I learned ASL earlier. I wish my family knew ASL and that I had more friends who knew ASL. When you have a cochlear implant you are still deaf in a lot of situations, and the processor has to come off. Or it malfunctions. Or the batteries need to be changed. ASL makes so much sense for ALL deaf/Deaf people, especially children.

I hope we can all remain open, as I believe hearing parents need support from the Deaf community more than ever before-- and it needs to be positive support if we want them to listen.

Deficit Thinking = /< Surplus Disregard?

Gosh I'm kinda new. I just started reading and posting to Deafread the past couple months or so. I was shocked by John's message about "deficit thinkers." Though John himself didn't name names, a few of the commenters to his blog did-- and the names that most frequently came up were McConnell, Paotie, "and their strange friends" including Karen and Brian Mayes. Because I frequently comment on both McConnell's and Paotie's blogs, I wondered if I was included among the list of "strange friends."

This surprised me a little bit because I've fiercely butt heads with both Paotie and McConnell in the past. But I guess because I'm deaf, not Deaf, you all might as well lump me in with them -- and the Mayes.

Just to keep the record straight though, I have sided with John Egbert in the past too. I put in a plug for his book on my site as well. I often agree with him, but not this time. I like a good discussion and I think Paotie and Mike are great at generating discussion, even though some of their remarks are often inflammatory. They DO get us talking about hot issues we need to question, such as the rift between the deaf and the Deaf. It's painful to look at the truth sometimes.

The comments about the Mayes saddened me. That any of you would even consider censoring Mike or Paotie's blogs and say the things you said about the Mayes convinced me we have much work to do before the D/deaf can call themselves a "community."

If not for Deaf Edge's blog and the overwhelming positive comments there, I would have seriously considered moving on. I was beginning to wonder if deaf people were welcome here. Thanks to all of you who commented in DE's blog. You've given me hope.

Peace. . .

(Also-- I wanted to explain why I haven't been doing deaf heroes the past couple weeks. I turned my library book in. It was time. As luck would have it, the book belonged to another branch, so I sent it back and reordered it. Guess what? It's lost in the system somewhere. I may ask for it for Christmas.)

Sitting in the dark--- thinking

(Before I begin, I should probably inform you all I've changed my address. If you're a regular reader, it's now djembeslappin.blogspot.com)

When a friend emailed to ask if I wanted to meditate with an Indian guru I have to admit I was skeptical. The timing conflicted with my belly dancing class, but I've also had some reservations about group led meditations ever since my Lamaze classes years ago. Visions of a dark hot room with a mumbling facilitator whose lips I wouldn't be able to see in dim candlelight flashed through my mind.

Then by coincidence the storm we had last week flooded my dance instructor's apartment. She called from an emergency shelter to cancel all our classes and activities for the month. I felt badly for her, but this left a void in my Thursdays that needed to be filled. I've come to enjoy dancing each week. I love wearing a colorful coin skirt that sparkles in the light when my hips wiggle. More than that, I really NEED the female companionship.

I live in a "man house." With men. Who watch football from August through, um. . . when does it end??? ESPN is on three televisions in three rooms whenever they're home. Football season lasts for several months. Three men. One of them doesn't even live here. I'm not sure why the third TV needs to be on when he's not here, but it is-- ALWAYS! Their dinner discussion revolves around football each night, while I read a book. Sometimes they call the third one or a grandfather to chat them up about scores, while I'm virtually ignored. It's just me and the cat here taking up space. One computer must also be left on a certain sports website at all times, so they can check games that aren't televised. I have my own computer, so I won't bother their website. I must never, ever touch the MAN computer. THE website must be there at all times in case something important happens. I try to fill my nights as much as possible-- books, computer, djembe, belly-dance, ASL, work. . . (Picture above is of two of them during a Seahawks playoff game a couple years ago. They've had seasons tickets to football games since before they could talk.)

Given the choice between staying home on Thursdays or meditating in a group, the guru began to sound more appealing. I sent an email to him. "Can you accommodate me? I'm practically deaf, and I read lips." We'll see if that doesn't put him off, I thought. Almost no one willingly accommodates the deaf and this was being held in a home. It wasn't a business setting that HAD to accommodate me.

"YES-- Please come!" he wrote back.

Awww --- what the heck, I thought. If worse comes to worse, I'll close my eyes and take a nap. I enjoy my friend. We'll have a few laughs. She's always getting me into stuff like this.

So-- off we went last night. When we pulled up to his house, it appeared dark inside. I asked if she was sure he wasn't a serial killer. She wasn't too encouraging. "We'll find out!" she grinned.

Our first meditation was called a "Darkness Meditation" Whooooooooo. Sounded creepy.

We arrived early and were greeted warmly by a man with an abundance of curly gray facial hair. Reading his lips would pose a challenge. Oddly, this guy didn't look at all Indian. His eyes were bright blue. Stepping inside I picked up scents of cardamon, clove and saffron. Shoes were left at the door, then we were offered tea and honey. "Hi--I'm Kim. The one who emailed you about not being able to hear?" I reminded him.

"OH Yes!" he beamed, then grabbed my hands, "Come right in, you'll have no problem, I'll look right at you and you'll sit next to me. You'll be fine." He smiled softly and squeezed my palms ever so gently, warming them from the cool night air. Geez! He was giving off really good vibes!

I could hear the beat of New Age music playing quietly in the next room. It sounded like a djembe, the little African drum I play. We settled in to relax with our tea while others arrived.
"He doesn't look Indian" I said to my friend.

"No, I think he's Canadian." she replied.

Here's the run down of our first meditation with him. It was called a Darkness Meditation. First, he told us a little about the meditation. It was an ancient "Essene practice." I don't know what this means. Don't ask me. It's ancient. He went on to talk about how many other cultures have practiced this, including the Egyptians and Jews when Jesus was alive and so on. He described how one loses the feeling of oneness in darkness and becomes one with the universe and one with the darkness. Humans tend to fear darkness. The idea was to look into the darkness, and not be afraid. We were to welcome it. The darkness, he said, was like a womb, and we would become one with the darkness and with everything. He sat next to me and looked right at me while he spoke. I was able to lip read him because this part was all spoken in a well-lit environment. I might be wrong about this, but I think he might have trimmed his mustache and beard a little between the time I arrived and the time he started speaking.

Here's what he says about the meditation on his website. "In this meditation we use the absolute darkness of a lightproof room. The absence of light can be a primal source of relaxation and inner nourishment.
The Indian mystic Osho has said of this meditation: "In it, you can become like the ocean. You can be one with darkness. And darkness is so oceanic; nothing is so vast, nothing is so eternal."

He gave us the run down of what we were supposed to do before doing it, so that I wouldn't be lost in the dark-- literally. Next, we were led into a basement holding candles, then one by one we would blow them out until the room was completely black. Then we would meditate in total darkness with no sound with our eyes wide open for one hour. Why should your eyes stay open in darkness? Because when you close them, you see negative images of what you've been looking at earlier. You know how that is-- right? If you're looking at your computer screen right now, and you close your eyes, you'll see a rectangle of a computer screen. That's a negative image of what you just saw. So you must keep your eyes open to look into the darkness. Thus, you'll see only positive images in the darkness. Negative images are bad. Positive=good.

Admittedly it was weird looking at nothingness at first. The basement had been prepared so that it was indeed pitch black after all the candles were extinguished. An hour is a long, long time to sit and think with your eyes open in pitch black. My first thought was, "What the hell am I doing here sitting in the dark looking at nothing for an hour. I PAID for this? Sometimes I'm SUCH a sucker!!" But the longer I sat there thinking, the more peaceful I began to feel. As my thoughts started to settle, interesting things started happening. VERY interesting things. I was surprised! Amazingly the time FLEW by! It seemed like our session ended within a matter of minutes. Afterwards, I started to describe my experience to my friend and she finished my sentence. She had the very same experience. I came home feeling relaxed and energized. I'm SO glad I did it!! What a great tool for managing the stress of the holidays!

Next week, we're going to try Kundalini. I've always wanted a Kundalini experience! I hope I can manage it. I know it's not easy, but I think this guy is really GOOD!

A Christmas Meme

I haven't done a meme in ages. This one is from Bellezza, and it's a Christmas meme. I've decided to do it because I have no Christmas spirit at all this year. The truth is I'm feeling Grinchy. I thought maybe writing about Christmas might help. (sigh)

A Christmas meme:
What is your most enduring Christmas memory?

When I was a little girl there was a large store in downtown Detroit called JL Hudsons. On the top floor they had a small shopping area "just for kids" with a small kid-sized door. Inside you could buy presents for your family with your allowance money all by yourself. "Elves" would help you decide what to buy. I think they were really maybe young women or other moms because one time I shopped there I remember the elf seemed like a woman and she was much taller than me. It was really very, very special shopping downtown when I was a little girl because we dressed up in our Sunday finest to go shopping. We always did this once a year and we would drive around to look at Christmas lights on the way home. We ate in a fancy restaurant for lunch. My daddy came with us, which was unusual since he worked all the time. One year I remember going through the little door, then an elf met me and asked how much money I had to spend. I showed her the coins in my hand. Then the elf asked who I was buying a present for. It was my grandma. She asked me what my grandma liked to do. Well-- I said my grandma liked to wash dishes. So the elf recommended a fancy kitchen sponge shaped into a Christmas wreath. My goodness! Did my grandma's eyes light up when she opened my gift with the sponge inside on Christmas! She was so excited! I explained about how I bought it at JL Hudsons all by myself with my allowance money. I think I was about five years old. We washed dishes together with that sponge on Christmas. I loved my grandma so much and I had very few Christmases with her, so this is one special memory.

Do you have a favourite piece of Christmas music? I LOVE the way the Transiberian Orchestra does Pachelbels Canon in D-- what little I hear of it. Since I used to play Pachelbel's Canon on the piano I can sort of follow it. I also remember the words to the first part of the song, "Now is Born the Divine Christ Child" We used to sing it in church when I was a little girl and I really liked that one. I have to say I love most Christmas carols, and I especially love them sung by choruses in hymn style because it reminds me of Christmas Eve Candlelight service.

I am going to add a question here that wasn't on the first meme. Do you have any unusual or special family traditions? My family does. We light Advent candles each Sunday in Advent before Sunday dinner, which used to be more fun when our children were small because they would fight about who got to light the candles and who got to put them out and then before we began eating my husband would read a Christmas poem. He STILL does this every Christmas and the kids still pretend to fight over the candles, though it's just for fun now.

What makes your mouth water at Christmas time? Pecan Pie-- and my mother-in-law's Christmas cookies-- which are the best in the whole world. I usually make a prime rib, but I don't eat meat. That's mainly for my husband because he likes a prime rib on Christmas.

How soon do you put the Christmas tree up and when do you take it down? My husband comes from a Norwegian background and also his birthday is in December, so those two combined factors mean we put it up late. We haven't put it up yet, and we never take it down before New Years Eve. We DO put up a fake tree mainly because I was traumatized by the Little Fir Tree story when I was a kid. I know, I know. . .Do what you want. I got a fake, and I burn an evergreen candle for that nice smell. We used to buy live trees years ago, and then plant them in our new yard. But they're expensive. Then we moved to the woods and I have more evergreens than I know what to do with. And yes-- it's TRUE they DO grow like weeds, and I realize people kill pumpkins every year and other plant products. Yes, yes-- I know it's JUST a plant! I have my little fake tree-- leave me alone. hahaha!

I'm really glad I did this because it made me think about lots of Christmas memories. You can do it if you want, and I'll look forward to reading your answers!

Emergency Meeting for Parents of Deaf in NYC

I received this urgent message below this from a friend who works in the New York City school system. I've removed her name to protect her identity in my blog, but I felt this was important to reprint here in its entirety. I don't live in NYC. I wanted to get the word out. Isn't it just like a politician to have an important meeting like this at the last minute? If it's sparsely attended, he'll say no one cared enough about the changes he planned to make, when the reality was few people knew about the meeting. It's the holidays when people are busy too. If you live in the NYC area, please plan to go this coming Monday night if you can.

THIS SHOULD NOT BE A SURPRISE, SOONER OR LATER IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

IF YOU CARE ABOUT DEAF, HARD OF HEARING, BLIND AND THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED STUDENTS IN BOTH PUBLIC SCHOOLS AND PRIVATE SCHOOLS.....PLEASE PASS THE WORD ALONG IN TO PARENTS AND ANY DEAF GROUPS YOU KNOW. MAYOR BLOOMBERG IS ABOUT TO MAKE SOME HEFTY CHANGES THAT WILL AFFECT THE HANDICAPPED STUDENTS OF NEW YORK CITY.



LEAGUE BUZZ ALERT!

Proposed Dismantling of HES and EVS Come to a Town Hall Meeting on MONDAY DECEMBER 10th, 2007 to have your voice heard!



The League for the Hard of Hearing has just learned that discussions are underway at the NYC Department of Education regarding dismantling Hearing Education Services (HES) and Educational Vision Services (EVS) and shifting the responsibility for meeting the educational needs of deaf, hard of hearing, blind, and visually impaired children to local school districts and school principals. These school districts and school principals do not likely have either the expertise or the funds to meet the specific educational needs of these children.

The National Federation of the Blind of NYS is partnering with the Parents of Blind Children of NY to hold an open forum in the form of a Town Hall Meeting to address recent and future changes being proposed. The meeting will be on Monday, December 10th from 6-9 PM in the Selis Manor auditorium located at 135 West 23 Street between 6 and 7 Ave. They are hoping that parents of deaf and hard of hearing children attend as well, to speak to the needs of their children.

Representatives from the Department of Education and EVS will be present to speak and answer questions regarding initiatives already underway, as well as representatives of other organizations.
For more information on hearing loss in children, click here.
League for the Hard of Hearing50 BroadwayNew York, NY 10004917-305-7700 (V)917-305-7999 (TTY)www.lhh.org

Are We That Different?

Lately, I've been thinking about cultures and communities. I like being American. I like that we're a country of blended cultures.

We have many, many cultural festivals.

In Seattle, one fun celebration is the Scottish Highland Games.

There's also the Chinese New Year.











Some celebrate Norwegian Independence Day.















Others celebrate their Muckleshoot roots.









But what's great about America is you don't have to be Scottish to join in the Highland games.






You don't have to be Chinese to be in the Chinese New Year parade.










You can be a Viking on Norwegian Independence Day, even if you're really a Muckleshoot;










And you're welcome to go on Muckleshoot tribal journeys, even if you're more of a Viking.







Some families have blended backgrounds. In America you can be a Chinese, Viking, Scottish, Muckleshoot. You can join in all the parades.

Celebrating our differences unites us. We celebrate each other. Because we know that

in our hearts, we're all the same. We're just people

who help each other when times are hard.

Are deaf, Deaf and hard-of-hearing really THAT different?











Peace.

Hillis Arnold 1906- 1988

I haven't blogged about a great deaf person in a couple weeks. When I opened my book of talented deaf Americans, it was Hillis Arnold's page. I'm glad. I've looked at his sculptures and read about him a couple times now.

He was born hearing in N. Dakota, then became deaf as an infant due to spinal meningitis. As a young child he enjoyed drawing and showed some skill using colored pencils. His earliest memories of sculpting was after a rainstorm when he made animal shapes out of the mud on his farm.

He was raised orally by his parents who worked with him on vocalization exercises after doing farm chores each day. At the age of 12 his family moved to Minnesota, where he was able to attend the Minneapolis Day School for the Deaf. Then he went to public high school and graduated with honors. From there he earned a B.A. cum laude from the University of Minnesota. Then he received a full scholarship to the Minneapolis School of Fine Arts. Next, he went to the Cranbrook Academy of Art in Michigan and finally the Chicago Institute of Art.

In 1938, Arnold took a professorship at Monticello College in Illinois and remained teaching there for thirty-four years, while working on art commissions. Of teaching he said, "Communication with my students has never been a serious problem. At our first meeting I tell the students that by the end of the first or second week I will be able to read their lips if they move their lips a bit slower, and that they will understand me as they get used to my way of speaking." Arnold received many prestigious awards and recognitions for his work over the years. Most of it had religious themes and can be found in churches throughout the Midwest. Other works are in schools or downtown St. Louis.

Some of his sculptures incorporated deaf themes. "Because I am deaf, I am a better observer." he once said. One of his deaf sculptures called The Learners is a depiction of a mother practicing speech exercises with her deaf child. Another, called Deaf Given A Voice portrays an eye and an arm with moving fingers to represent how Deaf people use both their eyes and hands to communicate. Though Arnold never learned ASL or even fingerspelling, he was an advocate of Total Communication- the concept of using any and every possible means to communicate with a deaf/Deaf child.

Reading over the articles I found and writing this short sketch of his life, I got a sense that Hillis Arnold considered himself an artist first, not D/deaf first. His deafness was part of who he was, but not his main identity. It seems he was too busy teaching and creating sculptures to think much about his deaf experience. Still he acknowledged his deafness in some of his art when appropriate to do so. I like this about him.

Frustration with Work

This morning I had my usual quarterly educational work meeting, which I dreaded attending mainly because I normally miss more than half what's being discussed. If it weren't for the fact I get paid to go, and my attendance looks good on my work record, I probably would have skipped it altogether. I certainly don't get much out of it. Today I nearly fell asleep even after drinking a triple-shot non-fat Venti white-chocolate peppermint mocha on the way.

I have mentioned to my manager that I need to be accommodated for these meetings. His response, "You don't get everything you ask." To my knowledge he never followed up. I was then informed my attendance at the meetings was only "optional" because they're considered educational. The person who held my position previously lived two hours and a ferry ride away, so she rarely went to these meetings. However, **everyone** else in my position does go. There are over 100 of us. The meetings gives me a chance to network with others around the county we don't get a chance to see very often.

My usual strategy is to sit up close so I can read lips and hopefully hear as much as possible. I also try to remind all the speakers that I'm deaf/HH ahead of time, where I'll be sitting and that I need to see their faces. STILL-- some of them refuse to wear a microphone, some walk around while talking, some speak in the back of the room instead of the front, some talk behind computers. . . . There never seems to be a perfect place for me to sit to be able to read their lips.

There is always a question and answer period, and unfortunately they NEVER repeat the questions. So I must guess the questions by how they're answered. It's super challenging when the answer is simply "YES-that's right!" (Example: Someone mumbles a five-minute long situational computer problem, then tells how she solved it, and finally asks if this or that was the problem. "Yes!--that's right! Next question?") What a fun game. (Yes- I'm joking!) The question/answer period can last up to a half-hour or more.

Today we split into work groups to brainstorm for awhile--in a noisy room. Think about at least 100 people broken up into over ten groups. They had all drank several cups of coffee by this time. (It was midmorning in Seattle--Starbuck's land.) And we had all been sitting way too long. Chatting in groups in stuffy, enclosed, rooms filled to the brink with hyper over-caffeinated people is not my forte.

Sometimes during our break-- when we're trying to network with each other --one of the techs loves to play a piano. He's pretty good from what I can tell. Keep in mind I used to play, but my ears are baaaaad. I find it annoying, the extra racket, the keys that sound flat or sharp that shouldn't, the shrillness of it, the way it ricochets through my head, the sound endlessly bouncing off all the walls and the floor when I'm wearing hearing aids-- I HATE it when I'm trying to lip read.

We are given an outline and some notes to follow, plus a brief overview afterwards, so it's not as if I miss a LOT without the extra accommodations. With the notes and the visual walk throughs during the meetings, I can put it all together afterwards. It's hard, but I make due. Sometimes a week later after the meeting notes are emailed to me (yes it does take that long sometimes), I'll remember a visual software demonstration, and finally understand what was being discussed during the meeting. I try to keep current on my own by fiddling with the software all the time. In my job, hands on learning is usually best anyway.

I have been wondering how it would work even if I had CART. When we broke into groups today, would the transcriber then have had to pick up and transport all her equipment with me? Because these are often software demonstrations, there is already tons of equipment in a tight place. An interpreter would obviously be so much easier, but I'm not fluent enough in ASL yet to utilize one. In any case, this is all a fantasy because it's doubtful my employer will pay for either since these meetings are considered "optional." If I push too hard I may find my work is suddenly not up to par. This has happened to more than one co-worker in the past.

I will just say I feel frustrated and anxious after these meetings, but I did make some extra money today, and I got to see some people I work with who I don't get to see often. So it wasn't a total waste. My anxiety level has been very high lately. I don't have another meeting like this until February now. Maybe I can be sick next time. . .

Lost in a Dark Woods

Sometimes when you are late-deafened, you feel you are lost in a dark, mysterious woods with two people. One is called Hearing, the other Deaf. You have a lantern, but can't light it because you forgot to bring matches. They both possess matches. However, instead of simply lighting your lantern they argue and argue about the best route for you to take home. Each of them pull you in opposite directions. Meanwhile you become cold and frightened and more and more lost.

Then, just by chance another late-deaf person comes along who has a match but no lantern. Off you go working together, finding your way by trial and error. The route is lonely and scary. Along the way you encounter a few other late-deaf and oral deaf people struggling to make sense of the trail. You link together lighting each other's way and sharing information about what you've learned of each other's paths. If one of you gets lost or makes mistakes, no one criticizes. No one tells you you're not acting like a Deaf person. No one treats you like you're "impaired." No one sniffs that you've insulted their culture. No one laughs at you when you misunderstand. You all acknowledge that hearing is hard and learning to be Deaf is hard. Eventually you begin to feel comfortable and accepted being neither hearing or Deaf, but rather just a deaf person who speaks and maybe uses a little ASL and hearing aids or a CI, maybe some ALD's sometimes, maybe not, maybe CART, maybe an interpreter, whatever works. . .

Later on when you bump into Deaf and Hearing again, Deaf asks, "Why didn't you follow ME? I had a match, and I would have lit your lantern! You could have learned ASL!!" Hearing asks the same question, reminding you Cochlear Implant was just around the next bend.

You realize you will never be able to follow Deaf or Hearing. They don't understand.

It Takes All Kinds

Yesterday I came across this passage from the Bible in another blog. http://dolcebellezza.blogspot.com/2007/11/fearfully-and-wonderfully-made.html With all the discussion lately about Deaf/deaf and hard-of-hearing, this took my breath away for a few seconds and made me stop to think.

"The human body has many parts...If the foot says, "I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand," that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, "I am not part of the body because I am only an ear and not an eye," would that make it any less a part of the body? Suppose the whole body were an eye-then how would you hear? Or if your whole body were just one big ear, how could you smell anything? But God made our bodies with many parts, and he has put each part just where he wants it...In fact, some of the parts that seem weakest and least important are really the most necessary." 1 Corinthians 12: 12-22 NLT

Each of us is important. We all have a place in this community of deaf people whether we're oral or not, whether we're late-deaf or born deaf, or implanted, or whether we cue. We all have something to share with the other.

The funny thing is I didn't get this off a Deaf blog. I got it off one of my favorite bookish blogs, and it was about how she felt she didn't fit in with her family-- not because she couldn't hear, but because she wears red lipstick. (smile) It was actually more than that, but Deaf people aren't the only ones who feel out of step with their families, or out of step with the rest of the world sometimes.

Even as a child when I could hear, I was the only introvert in a family of extroverts. Sometimes I don't know how much of me is "deaf me" and how much of me is just me.

(The above titled, "High-heeled Shoe" was painted by deaf artist Roy Tanner.)

What do YOU want?

Yesterday while processing a book, it fell open to a page that said

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT, NOT WHAT YOU DON'T WANT.

Sometimes when things like this happen I wonder if someone is trying to give me a message. I believe in angels and spirit guides and I'm prone to picking up on psychic messages sometimes. So I stopped and paid attention. The overly large word fonts stood right out on a bright red page. My daughter would say this was all a total coincidence because I handle hundreds of books every day, but nevermind--- that's not the point of this blog. The words popped out at me, and this seemed to mean something important at that moment.

I guess the reason it hit me was this;

I realized I've been thinking about exactly the wrong things lately. I've been worrying too much-- about a lot of stuff. Without even realizing I was worrying. Because I was not thinking about this negative stuff consciously, until that moment it didn't hit me how much I had been stewing.

I'll admit I've become cynical about wants. Life aint fair. Wants?! HA! Get real. Shit happens. There are ways of dealing with the hard knocks. But I'm not going to go into all that just now. Instead I'll copy the inspirational path to everlasting "peace" I tried to follow for awhile.

Buddist philosophy--

All human life is "dhukka" (impermanent
unsatisfactoriness).
All suffering is caused
by human desire,particularly the desire that impermanent things be
permanent.
Human suffering can be ended by ending human desire.
Desire
can be ended by following the "Eightfold Noble Path": right understanding, right
thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right
mindfulness, and right concentration.

But you know what? It didn't work. Why? Because wanting is the American way, and not wanting is the same as wanting when it comes right down to it. Say for example I don't want to do poorly on my ASL test on Monday. That's the same as wanting to do well. Right? I have been SO STUPID!

Then I remembered this little nugget of wisdom -- Buddhists base ethical decisions on the consequences of their actions, how they would feel if the action was done to them, and whether the action was helpful to their well-being or the well-being of another. (It's like the Golden Rule. "Do unto others. . .") This is what appeals to me about Buddhism --Your actions should be determined by whether they serve the well-being of self and others, rather than if they fit in with someone's ancient idea of right and wrong 2000 years ago. Not that I have a problem with Jesus, per se. But the Golden Rule is timeless, while many hateful passages of the Bible that some people misinterpret, twist around and spout off serve no useful purpose.

Anyway--Thinking about stuff I don't want to happen won't get me closer to any of the things I DO want to happen.

Of course it is OK to want something as long as it promotes well-being of self and/or others.

Sometimes we turn down what's in front of us for the taking. Ever done that? Sometimes you don't think you deserve something, other times you think you're too good. Maybe you don't. I do. I admit.

So I've been thinking about this a lot the past couple days, and then it hit me that these same thoughts could be applied to the ASL debates people have been having.

You see-- one of my wants is to be able to communicate better without having to worry about hearing. I want that so BAD. I want that more than I want to go through surgery. (I guess not everyone knows-- I **might** be able to have a surgery for an experimental cochlear hybrid.) But I'm not sure I want it. This is why I'm taking ASL. I don't know many people who use ASL right now. I'm meeting some. I worry other Deaf people will not like me because I am slow and a beginner. All I want is to be able to communicate freely and easily. That's all. Well OK--that's not really, really all, but that's all I'm admitting to right now. ASL promotes the well-being of self and others. An experimental surgery? . . .Eh?

In the past several weeks of reading and posting in Deafread, a few people have said they don't like to "slow down" to talk to "hearing" people who are learning ASL. Some of them have said they don't like going to events where non-deaf ASL learners will be present. Some have complained that speakers of other sign languages feel unwelcome-- specifically a man whose partner spoke BSL. Now lately, I've been reading about ISL. Recently someone wrote in a blog her two-year-old deaf-blind son was shunned after a couple Deaf people noticed he was wearing a CI. Additionally, some of my late-deafened friends who were learning ASL have shared personal experiences of being shunned by Deaf people as well. By the way, we can't help it if English was our first language and that our ASL is crappy.

I believe the majority of you are NICE folks who wouldn't dream of shunning a two-year-old deaf-blind boy. Most of you have been so very nice to me.

But I just have to ask ---What do YOU want?

The painting is called "Storms Aftermath" by Charles Bourke Wildbank. He has been profoundly deaf since birth. I really relate to the storm surrounding his cochlea.

Survey on television broadcast transition to digital from analog

I got this email today. It's a survey for HLAA regarding the transition from analog to digital television. It you're interested in taking part, click the link for the survey, fill it out and send it in. You don't have to be a member of HLAA.

Thanks,

Kim

The Hearing Loss Association of America has been invited to participate in a forum with manufacturers and broadcasters of televisions to discuss issues facing us all in the transition to digital from analog television. In order to best prepare for this opportunity we are asking for your feedback on your experiences and preferences with regards to captioning and digital television. Please complete the survey no later than Friday November 16, 2007 by 12 noon. If you have any additional questions please contact Christopher T. Sutton via email at csutton@hearingloss.org Thank you for taking time to respond to this survey!
Click here to take The Survey
About Hearing Loss Association of America

The Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA), founded in 1979 by Rocky Stone under the name of Self Help for Hard of Hearing People, opens the world of communication to people with hearing loss through information, education, advocacy and support. HLAA publishes the bimonthly Hearing Loss Magazine, holds annual conventions, Walk4Hearing, and more. Information can be found at www.hearingloss.org. The national headquarters is located at 7910 Woodmont Avenue, Suite 1200, Bethesda, MD 20184. HLAA has chapters and state organizations across the country.
Hearing Loss Association of America
Christopher T. Sutton
csutton@hearingloss.org

Some deaf/Deaf Poetry

I didn't post about deaf heroes yesterday. There are plenty, but I have poetry on my mind. I've blogged about deaf artists, athletes, politicians, and scientists. No Authors. Though on the side of my blog I've listed some books written by and about deaf people. "Talk, Talk" was a great thriller, by the way! I haven't gotten to most of the others yet because I've been side-tracked with other stuff. This week I felt like blogging about poetry, just cause I like it. I found the first three on Jamie Berke's page.


I loved this one by Sheri Birnbaum Dennis--

"The Loud Lips of Life"

Sitting here…

watching my trees dance to the muted tune of a breeze
two birds lovingly wing their way through the sun-glistening evergreen
as a hummingbird stands on the wind for a Santa-red drink from its feeder.
squirrels play tag on the sculptured-brown forest carpet
while hundreds of bugs dance in the conical warm sun.
here I sit surrounded by my four cats
who occasionally open their mouths as if to say they're enjoying the view.


Life is signing to me for
there is no gentle whooosh of air through the trees,
or flipflipflipflip of the birds as they move through the air,
or the HUMMMM of the humming bird's singing wings,
or BUZZZZ of a congregation of bugs.

Where is that resounding crr-uunnch of dry-crisp wintery leaves being trampled on by squirrels?


I'm learning to read the Lips of Life.


I really feel like I'm learning to read the lips of life the more deaf I become. I think I'm going to have this next one FRAMED. I LOVE it!!


"What Did You Say By Reba Orton"

Huh? Hmm? Eh? What?
Give that another shot.
What was that?
I missed that.
Repeat that.
I didn’t get that.
I beg your pardon, say that again.
I’m sorry, run that by me again.
Speak louder, speak slower.
Excuse me? Pardon me?
I couldn’t hear you,I can’t hear you.
I didn’t hear you, I don’t understand you.

This one's beautiful.

"The Sound of Sunlight by Anna M. Stott"


Though the silence never ends

I can hearI can hear:

A dove in flight


The sound of sunlight


Trees dancing without wind


Stars twinkling in the night


The flowers sweet songs


The moon's soft spirte


My loves delight.


Though the silence never ends


I can hearI can hear:


All the worlds words
All the lies
All the laughter
And all the the cries
All the songs
And every sigh...
I can hear.

Sometimes what you see is too beautiful for sound. Next--there's this poingnant poem.

Brother Harold

"Brother Harold was a deaf man,"

Said the preacher with a tear,

"But today he's up in heaven,
And today he can hear.
"Brother Harold could not speak,

So he talked with his hands,

But today he speaks with God,
And at last, God understands.
"Brother Harold was a sinner,

Like the rest of us," he screamed.

But no longer is he silent,
For his sins have been redeemed."
And the people in the chapel

Who prayed for his soul

Rejoiced at the conviction
That Harold was now whole.
But as I sat among the mourners

And recalled the Dad I knew

I asked myself the question:
"Is this message really true?
"Are deaf folks simply hearing folks

Whose ears do not perform?

Are women just like men
Except for function and for form?
"Are black folks just like white folks

But for the color of their skin?

Are all of us the same
If we but look deep within?
"Or is each of us unique

In what we are and what we give?

Aren't our differences our strengths?"
Let me share what I believe.
I believe if there's a heaven

It's a place not so very far

Where our differences are valued
And we're accepted as we are.
And I believe if there's a God.

He or She understands,

For He listens with his heart,
And he talks with his hands.

- Robert Ingram


Yeah-- God talks to me without words even now.

And finally-- I LOVED this-- which maybe some of you have already seen. But this is what I LOVE about ASL. You can't do this kind of poetry with words. It's like dancing with hands. I'm not even sure how to decribe this, except to say -- AWESOME.

Disappointing Deaf Chat

I went to a Deaf Chat last night for the community college class where I'm taking ASL. My teacher was there and several others from my college, plus students from a different college. But NO Deaf people that I could see. In fact, I believe my teacher and I were probably the only two deaf/HH people there. I'm not totally sure about this, because I didn't know all the students personally. Some students in my ASL class are HH but the HH/deaf students I knew weren't there last night.

I have to say I was a bit disappointed. I've been to other Deaf Chats with deaf friends. This time I felt like an oddity being one of two deaf/HH people attending. The first student I sat next to knew **nothing**. He was from the other school. Believe me, I'm not fluent. This guy-- I'm not sure if he knew ANY actual words. He didn't even understand "baby." Really!! I tried to tell him something about my son. He didn't understand the word 'son.' So I broke it down. 'Boy' + 'baby.' He didn't understand either word. I've never met anyone who didn't get it when you signed baby. He didn't understand the difference between 'want' and 'have.' He didn't know 'mother' or 'father' or 'teacher.' He should have known these words even if he was taking beginning ASL 101, because it's already the middle of the quarter. He should have learned those words the first week. We ended up fingerspelling everything.

OK-- I was fine with someone who was a beginner. We all need to start somewhere and it was brave of him to show up. Plus I suck at fingerspelling, so I needed the practice. But he kept checking his phone. He got up and walked away several times without apologizing or saying anything. The thing is I never heard his phone ring and only knew he was talking on the phone because he pulled it out and walked away. Now I understand about Teresa's blog a few weeks ago when she asked how Deaf felt about others using their phones at Deaf events. It wasn't that I needed him to interpret his conversation for me. Heavens! He wouldn't have been able to anyway. However, even among the hearing, it's simple courtesy to say "excuse me." Better yet, unless it's really important to receive calls, you should turn your phone off while talking to others, or explain WHY you need to take that call.

Did he want to be there at the Deaf Chat?? I think not. I guess it was part of his class "assignment" to take notes about what I said because I saw him write down some things about me. YIKES!! He never even asked if that was OK! He left early. After forty minutes of patiently showing him signs and fingerspelling with him, he simply got up and left. Good riddance too!! The look of relief on his face when his ride showed up was priceless. I know he was thinking 'Thank GOD, the torture of talking to this deaf woman is over!" He didn't even say good-bye or thanks or nod in my direction. How RUDE!! I felt like a specimen. The others from his school didn't try to communicate in ASL at all. They only stared at me and the others in my school signing away. If I had had a choice I would have moved on to talk to someone else, but I had arrived late and all the other chairs were taken, so I was stuck in this area surrounded by people from the other school. Soon after my guy left, the rest of them left too, so only those from my school were left.

Then we all closed in and I had a much better time chatting with the students from my own school. They all signed much better, and seemed to feel more comfortable about my deafness. In fact it didn't matter at all. After that we just chatted about funny stuff and we had some good **laffs.** We all noticed how the students from the other school seemed to be way behind. I know nothing about that teacher at the other school.

Sometimes I wonder why people take ASL if they feel so uncomfortable around deaf/HH people.

On the bright side-- a nice surprise and more praise for Starbucks. This Deaf Chat was held at a Starbucks. I had a horrible time finding it. For those of you who don't know--- I live in the Seattle area and there are probably two Starbucks on every block, plus a couple other drive thru latte stands and coffee shops in-between. We drink a lotta coffee here-- OK??? Our winters are D-A-R-K. Coffee helps to relieve Seasonal Affective Disorder. Look that one up. We get weird in the winter without our coffee. I'm getting off track. . . So I was driving around and pulled into the wrong Starbucks one block away from the one I was supposed to be at. Wouldn't you know the kid at the counter knew a little ASL? A high school kid. I've run into this before at Starbucks. They look for workers who know ASL. Starbucks is SO Deaf friendly. So this kid knew about the Deaf Chat at the other Starbucks and told me how to get there and even signed a little while he was speaking as best he could. Sweet!

Since I have to go to this Deaf chat, I plan to take a deaf friend next time if I can convince someone to go with me. (sigh) Or maybe I'll talk to my teacher and see if it's OK to go somewhere else and sign with other people who are more advanced than me, so I can learn more, cuz I was really super disappointed about last night.

How Evelyn Glennie Gave My Life Back

Normally on Sunday I blog about a talented Deaf person. Today I’ve been thinking about someone who has been an inspiration to me. But first, I guess I should back up and tell you something about myself.

When I was a little girl I played the piano. I played for years and years, for hours a day. There was a time I imagined becoming a concert pianist. Even after I started losing my hearing, I continued to play the piano. I could not imagine life without music.

Early on I had a natural ear for music. I could tell three notes just by hearing alone without looking-- C, F, and G. From there I could figure other notes, and I was able to sound out songs I heard by the time I was five. If you have been hearing, you know most people cannot do this, so I was born with a special musical gift even among hearing people.

As I became deafer, I began to fear the loss of music. First, I could not hear music boxes. On our first Christmas together my husband began a tradition of giving me a music box, but by our fifth year I admitted to him I couldn’t hear them. In fact, I had never been able to hear them. Then it was the radio. Songs began to sound different. “Oldies” that I had once known as a kid didn‘t sound right. Flute solos, soprano harmony and guitar parts were missing. Finally, as the years passed and my hearing continued to decline, my own piano playing became affected.



Notes above middle - C began to sound flat. I stopped playing. I can still listen to others play the piano. It’s just that when I play, I get distracted by flat sounding notes when I know I have struck the right key. It drives me nuts.



The thing is-- I was born to make music. And dance. I still dream about music, pianos, dancing at night. . .and so. . . When I stopped playing the piano it left a big hole in my life that needed to be filled. For several years I felt depressed because there was this big missing hole. Sure-- I had other hobbies. I skiied, but only in the winter. I like photography and I read a lot. I still missed making music. One thing about my hearing-- my low tones have stayed fairly constant and I have continued to enjoy rhythm and base. So one time, when Stomp came to town I went to see them. They energized me!! I could not get them out of my mind!


Then someone told me about Evelyn Glennie, the Scottish percussionist who plays barefoot. She’s amazing!! I have never seen her live. I would love to someday. I have decided not to write much about her myself, except that she was born in Scotland in 1965 and was deafened by age 12. Her father was a musician, so she was given musical training as well. I will let her explain her own deafness and music. This is what she says about it on her webpage. You can also read more here. Evelyn Glennie's Hearing Essay
“Deafness is poorly understood in general. For instance, there is a common misconception that deaf people live in a world of silence. To understand the nature of deafness, first one has to understand the nature of hearing.
Hearing is basically a specialized form of touch. Sound is simply vibrating air which the ear picks up and converts to electrical signals, which are then interpreted by the brain. The sense of hearing is not the only sense that can do this, touch can do this too. If you are standing by the road and a large truck goes by, do you hear or feel the vibration? The answer is both. With very low frequency vibration the ear starts becoming inefficient and the rest of the body's sense of touch starts to take over. For some reason we tend to make a distinction between hearing a sound and feeling a vibration, in reality they are the same thing. It is interesting to note that in the Italian language this distinction does not exist. The verb 'sentire' means to hear and the same verb in the reflexive form 'sentirsi' means to feel. Deafness does not mean that you can't hear, only that there is something wrong with the ears. Even someone who is totally deaf can still hear/feel sounds.
If we can all feel low frequency vibrations why can't we feel higher vibrations? It is my belief that we can, it's just that as the frequency gets higher and our ears become more efficient they drown out the more subtle sense of 'feeling' the vibrations. I spent a lot of time in my youth (with the help of my school Percussion teacher Ron Forbes) refining my ability to detect vibrations. I would stand with my hands against the classroom wall while Ron played notes on the timpani (timpani produce a lot of vibrations). Eventually I managed to distinguish the rough pitch of notes by associating where on my body I felt the sound with the sense of perfect pitch I had before losing my hearing. The low sounds I feel mainly in my legs and feet and high sounds might be particular places on my face, neck and chest.
It is worth pointing out at this stage that I am not totally deaf, I am profoundly deaf. Profound deafness covers a wide range of symptoms, although it is commonly taken to mean that the quality of the sound heard is not sufficient to be able to understand the spoken word from sound alone. With no other sound interfering, I can usually hear someone speaking although I cannot understand them without the additional input of lip-reading. In my case the amount of volume is reduced compared with normal hearing but more importantly the quality of the sound is very poor. For instance when a phone rings I hear a kind of crackle. However, it is a distinctive type of crackle that I associate with a phone so I know when the phone rings. This is basically the same as how normally hearing people detect a phone, the phone has a distinctive type of ring which we associate with a phone. I can in fact communicate over the phone. I do most of the talking whilst the other person can say a few words by striking the transmitter with a pen, I hear this as clicks. I have a code that depends on the number of strikes or the rhythm that I can use to communicate a handful of words.
So far we have the hearing of sounds and the feeling of vibrations. There is one other element to the equation, sight. We can also see items move and vibrate. If I see a drum head or cymbal vibrate or even see the leaves of a tree moving in the wind then subconsciously my brain creates a corresponding sound. A common and ill informed question from interviewers is 'How can you be a musician when you can't hear what you are doing?' The answer is of course that I couldn't be a musician if I were not able to hear. Another often asked question is 'How do you hear what you are playing?' The logical answer to this is; how does anyone hear?. An electrical signal is generated in the ear and various bits of other information from our other senses all get sent to the brain which then processes the data to create a sound picture. The various processes involved in hearing a sound are very complex but we all do it subconsciously so we group all these processes together and call it simply listening. The same is true for me. Some of the processes or original information may be different but to hear sound all I do is to listen. I have no more idea of how I hear than you do.
You will notice that more and more the answers are heading towards areas of philosophy. Who can say that when two normally hearing people hear a sound they hear the same sound? I would suggest that everyone's hearing is different. All we can say is that the sound picture built up by their brain is the same, so that outwardly there is no difference. For me, as for all of us, I am better at certain things with my hearing than others. I need to lip-read to understand speech but my awareness of the acoustics in a concert venue is excellent. For instance, I will sometimes describe an acoustic in terms of how thick the air feels.
To summarize, my hearing is something that bothers other people far more than it bothers me. There are a couple of inconveniences but in general it doesn't affect my life much. For me, my deafness is no more important than the fact I am female with brown eyes. Sure, I sometimes have to find solutions to problems related to my hearing and music but so do all musicians. Most of us know very little about hearing, even though we do it all the time. Likewise, I don't know very much about deafness, what's more I'm not particularly interested. I remember one occasion when uncharacteristically I became upset with a reporter for constantly asking questions only about my deafness. I said: 'If you want to know about deafness, you should interview an audiologist. My speciality is music".


And so, it was about a year and a half ago, someone asked if I wanted to join a "drum circle." I craved a musical outlet, but I had never tapped a drum in my life. Would this be weird. I wondered? My children had been accusing me of acting weird ever since they became teenagers. I thought and thought, then I remembered Evelyn Glennie!!! Not only is she a middle-aged woman who plays drums, but she's also Deaf! Because I work in a library I checked out a book on djembes, which are the drums used in drum circles. Then I started researching on-line. Next I went to a music store to find out about drum circles in my area. I guess it was meant to be, because the store was having a drum sale and I found a beautiful little djembe for an extremely good price. Now I am taking djembe lessons.




Also because djembes are used as accompaniment for belly-dancing, I sort of got hooked up with that as well. So now you know why Evelyn Glennie is special to me.

This is my djembe sitting next to my empty piano bench. Isn't it cute?? It was made in Indonesia, and is very small and light. Perfect for me because I do not have big hands and could not carry a heavy drum. I also have bongos and just bought some marachas in Mexico. Last night my daughter came home and we jammed a little. FUN!

The drum also provides good exercise. I have learned drum circles are being used for meditational/spiritual healing. Beating on a drum requires much concentration. I've been in love since I started playing it.