What do YOU want?

Yesterday while processing a book, it fell open to a page that said

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT, NOT WHAT YOU DON'T WANT.

Sometimes when things like this happen I wonder if someone is trying to give me a message. I believe in angels and spirit guides and I'm prone to picking up on psychic messages sometimes. So I stopped and paid attention. The overly large word fonts stood right out on a bright red page. My daughter would say this was all a total coincidence because I handle hundreds of books every day, but nevermind--- that's not the point of this blog. The words popped out at me, and this seemed to mean something important at that moment.

I guess the reason it hit me was this;

I realized I've been thinking about exactly the wrong things lately. I've been worrying too much-- about a lot of stuff. Without even realizing I was worrying. Because I was not thinking about this negative stuff consciously, until that moment it didn't hit me how much I had been stewing.

I'll admit I've become cynical about wants. Life aint fair. Wants?! HA! Get real. Shit happens. There are ways of dealing with the hard knocks. But I'm not going to go into all that just now. Instead I'll copy the inspirational path to everlasting "peace" I tried to follow for awhile.

Buddist philosophy--

All human life is "dhukka" (impermanent
unsatisfactoriness).
All suffering is caused
by human desire,particularly the desire that impermanent things be
permanent.
Human suffering can be ended by ending human desire.
Desire
can be ended by following the "Eightfold Noble Path": right understanding, right
thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right
mindfulness, and right concentration.

But you know what? It didn't work. Why? Because wanting is the American way, and not wanting is the same as wanting when it comes right down to it. Say for example I don't want to do poorly on my ASL test on Monday. That's the same as wanting to do well. Right? I have been SO STUPID!

Then I remembered this little nugget of wisdom -- Buddhists base ethical decisions on the consequences of their actions, how they would feel if the action was done to them, and whether the action was helpful to their well-being or the well-being of another. (It's like the Golden Rule. "Do unto others. . .") This is what appeals to me about Buddhism --Your actions should be determined by whether they serve the well-being of self and others, rather than if they fit in with someone's ancient idea of right and wrong 2000 years ago. Not that I have a problem with Jesus, per se. But the Golden Rule is timeless, while many hateful passages of the Bible that some people misinterpret, twist around and spout off serve no useful purpose.

Anyway--Thinking about stuff I don't want to happen won't get me closer to any of the things I DO want to happen.

Of course it is OK to want something as long as it promotes well-being of self and/or others.

Sometimes we turn down what's in front of us for the taking. Ever done that? Sometimes you don't think you deserve something, other times you think you're too good. Maybe you don't. I do. I admit.

So I've been thinking about this a lot the past couple days, and then it hit me that these same thoughts could be applied to the ASL debates people have been having.

You see-- one of my wants is to be able to communicate better without having to worry about hearing. I want that so BAD. I want that more than I want to go through surgery. (I guess not everyone knows-- I **might** be able to have a surgery for an experimental cochlear hybrid.) But I'm not sure I want it. This is why I'm taking ASL. I don't know many people who use ASL right now. I'm meeting some. I worry other Deaf people will not like me because I am slow and a beginner. All I want is to be able to communicate freely and easily. That's all. Well OK--that's not really, really all, but that's all I'm admitting to right now. ASL promotes the well-being of self and others. An experimental surgery? . . .Eh?

In the past several weeks of reading and posting in Deafread, a few people have said they don't like to "slow down" to talk to "hearing" people who are learning ASL. Some of them have said they don't like going to events where non-deaf ASL learners will be present. Some have complained that speakers of other sign languages feel unwelcome-- specifically a man whose partner spoke BSL. Now lately, I've been reading about ISL. Recently someone wrote in a blog her two-year-old deaf-blind son was shunned after a couple Deaf people noticed he was wearing a CI. Additionally, some of my late-deafened friends who were learning ASL have shared personal experiences of being shunned by Deaf people as well. By the way, we can't help it if English was our first language and that our ASL is crappy.

I believe the majority of you are NICE folks who wouldn't dream of shunning a two-year-old deaf-blind boy. Most of you have been so very nice to me.

But I just have to ask ---What do YOU want?

The painting is called "Storms Aftermath" by Charles Bourke Wildbank. He has been profoundly deaf since birth. I really relate to the storm surrounding his cochlea.