I had an epiphany last night while sleeping. I must be kind of dim because for days I've been wondering what "deficit thinking" REALLY means. It seems I've read at least twenty-five different definitions by now and I wasn't getting it.
Earlier in the evening I had my Kundalini meditation session with Subhan-- which was was wild, but enlightening. Subhan says it all comes together when you reach three points: 1) self-awareness 2) self-acceptance and 3) relaxation.
I don't know about others, but I have the most problem with number two. I'm old enough to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses, and I can relax, but dang-- I still have such a hard time accepting my faults. In fact sometimes I even dwell on them, which can lead to self loathing.
Most the time I do not mind deafness. When I'm alone or with other deaf/HH people, it's no problem at all. But all those awkward times, like today when a lady, cursed, sighed, rolled her eyes and yelled at me because she had to repeat a question--that kind of event gets buried, then comes back as a headache, or keeps me awake at night. It hurts. It's not my fault.
On the one hand the reasonable side of me knows that woman had a problem. On the other hand, because I was working, I had to smile and remain calm and be nice to her. I would have liked to ask her if she thought I purposely developed a hearing loss specifically to annoy her at the library. I mean-- my God if she thinks SHE has it rough having to repeat three times, how does she think I feel having to ask for repeats?!?!?!?
So self-acceptance can be a hard one. Last night I worked on that while meditating and I guess it must have been rolling around in my mind while I was sleeping because suddenly I woke up in the middle of the night with the answer.
Deficit thinking is when you don't accept yourself as a deaf or Deaf person. (I'm applying this to d/Deafness, but I think it can apply to anyone.) It's when you don't accept yourself. When you don't fully accept yourself, and I mean LOVE
yourself because that's what self-acceptance is, then you cannot accept others for who THEY are. In order to fully love others, you must accept yourself with all your own flaws, so you can look past other people's flaws.
In order to accept others, to be open to new ideas, technology, culturally different people, we must first become comfortable with who WE are. I hope we can all help each other become comfortable.
Earlier in the evening I had my Kundalini meditation session with Subhan-- which was was wild, but enlightening. Subhan says it all comes together when you reach three points: 1) self-awareness 2) self-acceptance and 3) relaxation.
I don't know about others, but I have the most problem with number two. I'm old enough to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses, and I can relax, but dang-- I still have such a hard time accepting my faults. In fact sometimes I even dwell on them, which can lead to self loathing.
Most the time I do not mind deafness. When I'm alone or with other deaf/HH people, it's no problem at all. But all those awkward times, like today when a lady, cursed, sighed, rolled her eyes and yelled at me because she had to repeat a question--that kind of event gets buried, then comes back as a headache, or keeps me awake at night. It hurts. It's not my fault.
On the one hand the reasonable side of me knows that woman had a problem. On the other hand, because I was working, I had to smile and remain calm and be nice to her. I would have liked to ask her if she thought I purposely developed a hearing loss specifically to annoy her at the library. I mean-- my God if she thinks SHE has it rough having to repeat three times, how does she think I feel having to ask for repeats?!?!?!?
So self-acceptance can be a hard one. Last night I worked on that while meditating and I guess it must have been rolling around in my mind while I was sleeping because suddenly I woke up in the middle of the night with the answer.
Deficit thinking is when you don't accept yourself as a deaf or Deaf person. (I'm applying this to d/Deafness, but I think it can apply to anyone.) It's when you don't accept yourself. When you don't fully accept yourself, and I mean LOVE
yourself because that's what self-acceptance is, then you cannot accept others for who THEY are. In order to fully love others, you must accept yourself with all your own flaws, so you can look past other people's flaws.In order to accept others, to be open to new ideas, technology, culturally different people, we must first become comfortable with who WE are. I hope we can all help each other become comfortable.
(top photo from flickr chicagokristi, side photo-petersblog.org/images/self-love.jpg)
10 comments:
Hi, Kim,
Yes, I have been there, too! You are not only one! You know, those mixed feelings, eh? I would do anything to avoid those feelings!!
Deficit thinking is like what you miss out learning something that is necessity for your Deafhood. IMO
ok, I love reading your blogs!! I think you are a cool lady!
deafk
The last time I checked, there is no doctoral dissertation done on deficit thinking. Go figure.
Good morning, Kim!
I chose to open your first blog from Deafread! It's such a beautiful expression that you used to write on your blog!
I grew loving your blog more and more! (Don't get me wrong, believe me!)
A short story: A lady was really mad at me and thought that I ignored her. She looked down to my daughter and said to her: "your mother is so rude!" My daughter got mad and talked back to her: my mother is DEAF! I didn't know that she was talking to me and I went through without noticing her there. I wanted to talk with her but she left. Then I sat down with my daughter and I said that I am really sorry that it happened, but it is NOT our fault. Just that we missed it or she missed knowing that I am Deaf. The best thing is that we let it go and enjoy! We can laugh! It's a fact of life. (grins)
Kim, I've had to deal with that too...with people acting like I've gone out of my way to inconvenience them when in reality, I just couldn't hear them. It's so frustrating :(. I think I've come to terms with it a little better...have realized that there's nothing I can do about it, and that being deaf is who I am and I can't change it. And actually, right now, if I could, I wouldn't change it...so I think that means I've accepted it :)
I was trying to get around to all my blogs yesterday to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but I ran out of time. I hope yours was a wonderful one, all the same...you were in my thoughts! :)
Thank you Jennifer and Karen Mayes for the Christmas wishes!
Karen-- If you send me your email address, I'll send you mine. :-)
Thank you Jennifer and Karen Mayes for the Christmas wishes!
Karen-- If you send me your email address, I'll send you mine. :-)
wow love what u wrote here
gla du had this experience and enlightment
i had written in ur post about sneetches
the morale perhaps is ACCEPTANCE for who u are
not to deny that some have stars upon thars but to say star or none - neither is better than the other
then we can forget about our differences and see our commonalities - it is not, to me, a story to deny that some have stars and some have none or try to coerce either group to be small d only or be big D only - the point of the story is that all sneetches are deaf - while some my identify as 'd' and others may identify as 'D' - they are still all physically deaf
the most telling part of the story to me is:
"Then, when every last cent of their money was spent, the Fix-It-Up-Chappie packed up and he went. And he laughed as he drove in his car up the beach, "They never will learn; no, you can't teach a Sneetch!"
presently it seems the Fix-it-up-chappie is winning
hopefully we will prove him wrong soon
not by denial but by joining hands despite our different centers
----
we seem to be on the same wave length a bit
i once got a fortune cooking that said
SELF LOVE FIRST AND LAST
and i was like AWESOME!
peace
p
P--I'm really enjoying your input!! :-) What you said in the Sneetches blog about the moral being self-acceptance was so perceptive. I believe self-acceptance must come before we can accept others. People who are satisfied in life tend to be more generous, tolerant, kind and forgiving of others. We can all help each other learn to love ourselves, I think.
agreed
peace
p
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