Sitting in the dark--- thinking

(Before I begin, I should probably inform you all I've changed my address. If you're a regular reader, it's now djembeslappin.blogspot.com)

When a friend emailed to ask if I wanted to meditate with an Indian guru I have to admit I was skeptical. The timing conflicted with my belly dancing class, but I've also had some reservations about group led meditations ever since my Lamaze classes years ago. Visions of a dark hot room with a mumbling facilitator whose lips I wouldn't be able to see in dim candlelight flashed through my mind.

Then by coincidence the storm we had last week flooded my dance instructor's apartment. She called from an emergency shelter to cancel all our classes and activities for the month. I felt badly for her, but this left a void in my Thursdays that needed to be filled. I've come to enjoy dancing each week. I love wearing a colorful coin skirt that sparkles in the light when my hips wiggle. More than that, I really NEED the female companionship.

I live in a "man house." With men. Who watch football from August through, um. . . when does it end??? ESPN is on three televisions in three rooms whenever they're home. Football season lasts for several months. Three men. One of them doesn't even live here. I'm not sure why the third TV needs to be on when he's not here, but it is-- ALWAYS! Their dinner discussion revolves around football each night, while I read a book. Sometimes they call the third one or a grandfather to chat them up about scores, while I'm virtually ignored. It's just me and the cat here taking up space. One computer must also be left on a certain sports website at all times, so they can check games that aren't televised. I have my own computer, so I won't bother their website. I must never, ever touch the MAN computer. THE website must be there at all times in case something important happens. I try to fill my nights as much as possible-- books, computer, djembe, belly-dance, ASL, work. . . (Picture above is of two of them during a Seahawks playoff game a couple years ago. They've had seasons tickets to football games since before they could talk.)

Given the choice between staying home on Thursdays or meditating in a group, the guru began to sound more appealing. I sent an email to him. "Can you accommodate me? I'm practically deaf, and I read lips." We'll see if that doesn't put him off, I thought. Almost no one willingly accommodates the deaf and this was being held in a home. It wasn't a business setting that HAD to accommodate me.

"YES-- Please come!" he wrote back.

Awww --- what the heck, I thought. If worse comes to worse, I'll close my eyes and take a nap. I enjoy my friend. We'll have a few laughs. She's always getting me into stuff like this.

So-- off we went last night. When we pulled up to his house, it appeared dark inside. I asked if she was sure he wasn't a serial killer. She wasn't too encouraging. "We'll find out!" she grinned.

Our first meditation was called a "Darkness Meditation" Whooooooooo. Sounded creepy.

We arrived early and were greeted warmly by a man with an abundance of curly gray facial hair. Reading his lips would pose a challenge. Oddly, this guy didn't look at all Indian. His eyes were bright blue. Stepping inside I picked up scents of cardamon, clove and saffron. Shoes were left at the door, then we were offered tea and honey. "Hi--I'm Kim. The one who emailed you about not being able to hear?" I reminded him.

"OH Yes!" he beamed, then grabbed my hands, "Come right in, you'll have no problem, I'll look right at you and you'll sit next to me. You'll be fine." He smiled softly and squeezed my palms ever so gently, warming them from the cool night air. Geez! He was giving off really good vibes!

I could hear the beat of New Age music playing quietly in the next room. It sounded like a djembe, the little African drum I play. We settled in to relax with our tea while others arrived.
"He doesn't look Indian" I said to my friend.

"No, I think he's Canadian." she replied.

Here's the run down of our first meditation with him. It was called a Darkness Meditation. First, he told us a little about the meditation. It was an ancient "Essene practice." I don't know what this means. Don't ask me. It's ancient. He went on to talk about how many other cultures have practiced this, including the Egyptians and Jews when Jesus was alive and so on. He described how one loses the feeling of oneness in darkness and becomes one with the universe and one with the darkness. Humans tend to fear darkness. The idea was to look into the darkness, and not be afraid. We were to welcome it. The darkness, he said, was like a womb, and we would become one with the darkness and with everything. He sat next to me and looked right at me while he spoke. I was able to lip read him because this part was all spoken in a well-lit environment. I might be wrong about this, but I think he might have trimmed his mustache and beard a little between the time I arrived and the time he started speaking.

Here's what he says about the meditation on his website. "In this meditation we use the absolute darkness of a lightproof room. The absence of light can be a primal source of relaxation and inner nourishment.
The Indian mystic Osho has said of this meditation: "In it, you can become like the ocean. You can be one with darkness. And darkness is so oceanic; nothing is so vast, nothing is so eternal."

He gave us the run down of what we were supposed to do before doing it, so that I wouldn't be lost in the dark-- literally. Next, we were led into a basement holding candles, then one by one we would blow them out until the room was completely black. Then we would meditate in total darkness with no sound with our eyes wide open for one hour. Why should your eyes stay open in darkness? Because when you close them, you see negative images of what you've been looking at earlier. You know how that is-- right? If you're looking at your computer screen right now, and you close your eyes, you'll see a rectangle of a computer screen. That's a negative image of what you just saw. So you must keep your eyes open to look into the darkness. Thus, you'll see only positive images in the darkness. Negative images are bad. Positive=good.

Admittedly it was weird looking at nothingness at first. The basement had been prepared so that it was indeed pitch black after all the candles were extinguished. An hour is a long, long time to sit and think with your eyes open in pitch black. My first thought was, "What the hell am I doing here sitting in the dark looking at nothing for an hour. I PAID for this? Sometimes I'm SUCH a sucker!!" But the longer I sat there thinking, the more peaceful I began to feel. As my thoughts started to settle, interesting things started happening. VERY interesting things. I was surprised! Amazingly the time FLEW by! It seemed like our session ended within a matter of minutes. Afterwards, I started to describe my experience to my friend and she finished my sentence. She had the very same experience. I came home feeling relaxed and energized. I'm SO glad I did it!! What a great tool for managing the stress of the holidays!

Next week, we're going to try Kundalini. I've always wanted a Kundalini experience! I hope I can manage it. I know it's not easy, but I think this guy is really GOOD!