Frustration with Work

This morning I had my usual quarterly educational work meeting, which I dreaded attending mainly because I normally miss more than half what's being discussed. If it weren't for the fact I get paid to go, and my attendance looks good on my work record, I probably would have skipped it altogether. I certainly don't get much out of it. Today I nearly fell asleep even after drinking a triple-shot non-fat Venti white-chocolate peppermint mocha on the way.

I have mentioned to my manager that I need to be accommodated for these meetings. His response, "You don't get everything you ask." To my knowledge he never followed up. I was then informed my attendance at the meetings was only "optional" because they're considered educational. The person who held my position previously lived two hours and a ferry ride away, so she rarely went to these meetings. However, **everyone** else in my position does go. There are over 100 of us. The meetings gives me a chance to network with others around the county we don't get a chance to see very often.

My usual strategy is to sit up close so I can read lips and hopefully hear as much as possible. I also try to remind all the speakers that I'm deaf/HH ahead of time, where I'll be sitting and that I need to see their faces. STILL-- some of them refuse to wear a microphone, some walk around while talking, some speak in the back of the room instead of the front, some talk behind computers. . . . There never seems to be a perfect place for me to sit to be able to read their lips.

There is always a question and answer period, and unfortunately they NEVER repeat the questions. So I must guess the questions by how they're answered. It's super challenging when the answer is simply "YES-that's right!" (Example: Someone mumbles a five-minute long situational computer problem, then tells how she solved it, and finally asks if this or that was the problem. "Yes!--that's right! Next question?") What a fun game. (Yes- I'm joking!) The question/answer period can last up to a half-hour or more.

Today we split into work groups to brainstorm for awhile--in a noisy room. Think about at least 100 people broken up into over ten groups. They had all drank several cups of coffee by this time. (It was midmorning in Seattle--Starbuck's land.) And we had all been sitting way too long. Chatting in groups in stuffy, enclosed, rooms filled to the brink with hyper over-caffeinated people is not my forte.

Sometimes during our break-- when we're trying to network with each other --one of the techs loves to play a piano. He's pretty good from what I can tell. Keep in mind I used to play, but my ears are baaaaad. I find it annoying, the extra racket, the keys that sound flat or sharp that shouldn't, the shrillness of it, the way it ricochets through my head, the sound endlessly bouncing off all the walls and the floor when I'm wearing hearing aids-- I HATE it when I'm trying to lip read.

We are given an outline and some notes to follow, plus a brief overview afterwards, so it's not as if I miss a LOT without the extra accommodations. With the notes and the visual walk throughs during the meetings, I can put it all together afterwards. It's hard, but I make due. Sometimes a week later after the meeting notes are emailed to me (yes it does take that long sometimes), I'll remember a visual software demonstration, and finally understand what was being discussed during the meeting. I try to keep current on my own by fiddling with the software all the time. In my job, hands on learning is usually best anyway.

I have been wondering how it would work even if I had CART. When we broke into groups today, would the transcriber then have had to pick up and transport all her equipment with me? Because these are often software demonstrations, there is already tons of equipment in a tight place. An interpreter would obviously be so much easier, but I'm not fluent enough in ASL yet to utilize one. In any case, this is all a fantasy because it's doubtful my employer will pay for either since these meetings are considered "optional." If I push too hard I may find my work is suddenly not up to par. This has happened to more than one co-worker in the past.

I will just say I feel frustrated and anxious after these meetings, but I did make some extra money today, and I got to see some people I work with who I don't get to see often. So it wasn't a total waste. My anxiety level has been very high lately. I don't have another meeting like this until February now. Maybe I can be sick next time. . .