Yes Mike, I get it.

Yes Mike, I understand.

I have this deaf friend I practice ASL with. Her name is Kate. We meet every so often for lunch at this shopping center where there are a bunch of different restaurants. Normally we go to an Indian place and sometimes we go to an Italian place, or a Thai place. Recently we found a deli we like.

Usually, Kate does all the "oral" talking to the wait staff to give me an opportunity to sign as much as possible. Additionally she does hear a little better than me-- or maybe she lipreads better-- I'm not really sure. Our audiograms are almost the same, but she was born deaf and I have had a progressive hearing loss for over thirty years. She grew up having oralism forced on her, then picked up sign later after she moved away from her parents. We're both part of the Hearing world now. We have Hearing families. We talk. But we're deaf too. Neither of us wear our hearing aids at home, and we enjoy not wearing them when we're out.

I was told by my audiologist when first diagnosed that if I had been born with deafness I would not have learned to talk well. Hearing aids just weren't that good in the late 50s/early 60s, so most people my age who were born deaf have some deaf speech. It has nothing to do with intelligence-- as YOU know. Newer hearing aids are much better and younger people have had better correction. Doctors who know anything about hearing loss can look at my audiogram and know I wasn't born this way because of the way I talk.

Anyone who knows anything about language acquisition knows it's the same when learning foreign languages. For example, I have a friend Iwona (pronounced Ivona) who grew up in Poland. When she moved to the US, she spoke five languages fluently, but not English. She said she will always have a foreign accent when speaking English because she learned English too late in life. (I've talked to others-- a friend from Yugoslavia and a few others who have said the same thing) In order to speak a language with no foreign accent, you have to learn it before age fourteen-- give or take a few years. There's a reason for this I won't go into here, but the same concept applies to deafness and speech. If you hear well when you're young, most likely you'll continue to speak like a hearing person all your life even after going deaf.

So, back to Kate and I on our outings-- it often goes like this. . . We'll walk into a place for lunch. Maybe there's a crowd of people. We will start signing and decide if we want to eat there. "Do you want to eat here? Looks crowded. Ask how long the wait is. . .." Finally, she'll go up to the desk and ask orally how long of a wait. At the same time she tells them we're deaf and we won't hear our names called. Then she comes back to explain in sign it's a fifteen minute wait or whatever, and we're third on the list. . .

The wait staff stare at "the two deaf signing women" and assume from this exchange that I'm non-oral because Kate has done all the talking. They only see me signing, never talking. Sometimes they seat us right away despite telling us there would be a wait. I'm not sure if it's because they feel sorry for us, or if they're feeling extra charitable or if they simply don't want signing women in the lobby.

Sometimes if we're standing outside on a street corner signing, cars will slam on their brakes so we can cross the street. This NEVER happens to two hearing women standing on a street corner chatting. I think maybe the flying hands gets driver's attentions. But also I believe when people see ASL and flying hands, maybe they fear we'll suddenly jump out in front of their cars.

The time that really made me burst out laughing was in the Thai restaurant. As usual, Kate did all the talking. She even ordered orally for both of us. When the waitress asked if I wanted my tofu fried or baked, Kate asked me in sign, I answered back in sign, then Kate relayed this information to the Thai waitress. I simply needed the practice, which is why I didn't speak. Also I couldn't understand the waitress's accent and Kate does hear a little better than me, or maybe she lipreads better. I'm still not sure. Kate also asked in sign what I wanted to drink in front of the waitress, and then told her I wanted water.

We spent the rest of our lunch happily signing away with the waitress coming by to ask if everything was OK a couple times and Kate assuring her we were fine. When it came time to leave, I mentioned to Kate in sign that I needed a box because I couldn't finish. Kate couldn't finish either. She eats like a bird. She probably had twice as much food left on her plate as me. In two HUGE heaping mounds. She waved the waitress over and asked orally for boxes for our food.

The waitress was so kind. She came back promptly with two boxes in hand and smiled benevolently at me first. Then she began dishing up my leftovers into the box. I felt just a little foolish. I am capable of placing my own leftovers into a box. But when I made a move to take the spoon, she pushed my hand away and smiled again. Maybe this was how they did it here at this Thai restaurant, I thought. Such GREAT service!! So I allowed her to spoon up the leftovers, and watched as she gently closed the lid, placed the box into a plastic bag, then tightly knotted it twice for safekeeping. Meanwhile Kate sat there, with her box and heaping plateful of food, waiting for the same special service--- that never came. As soon as the waitress finished with my box, she turned on her heel and left. The look on Kate's face was priceless. There she sat with two humongous mounds of food left on her plate and an empty box. No special treatment for her.

I guess the waitress decided Kate was capable of dishing up her own food. After all, Kate could speak. You have to wonder what they think sometimes-- Hearing people. That you need a voice in order to dish up food? I don't get it. But that's when it hit home how different the world is for culturally Deaf people.


We haven't been back to the Thai place, even though the food was good.

Yeah-- I get it.