Dealing With IT-- Part 2

I covered humor and standing tall, but I failed to mention WHY you need to stand tall when you are d/Deaf. There are times-- and we all know it happens very occasionally-- but it happens to all of us that people are rude for some reason. You might call them audists. I simply call them a**holes. These are the people who make discourteous remarks about your deafness, as if they think you purposely developed d/Deafness solely to annoy them. We've all been there from time to time.

Or perhaps you are NOT a d/Deaf person. Maybe you struggle with some other issue. Maybe you are Gay and other people feel awkward about that for some unknown reason. Or maybe you're a vegetarian, or a Wiccan just minding your own business. Some people can't handle others who do things differently, so they say mean things. They feel threatened that you live your life another way. Or maybe you are a deaf person who prefers to speak, and other Deaf people can't stand it that you like to use your voice. Or maybe you are a Deaf person who prefers NOT to speak, and other deaf people can't understand WHY you won't talk. Why can't people just let everyone else live their lives in peace?

The problem for many of us is we didn't grow up "different." Everyone knew where our boundaries were, so we never had to assert them before. When you develop a difference such as a disability, (or even change religions or discover you are Gay) it's a new thing to have to assert your boundaries, and it may be uncomfortable for those of us who dislike conflict. Other people assume things about us based on what they've read about others in our minority group or movies they've seen. They stereotype us because they may be afraid to ask personal questions. This is why I suggested the humor earlier, to help others feel comfortable with your situation. It helps them see you're open about it. Some people just can't accept differences though.

Ever since I became a vegetarian a cousin teases me about how carrots "scream when
they're ripped out of the ground." Then she mimics them screaming in pain while I'm trying to eat my dinner. Of course the other meat-eaters laugh hysterically. It's especially annoying to me since I never tell omnivores what I find so repulsive about cattle and chicken farming. Whenever anyone asks, I tell them they don't want to know. I figure anyone who really wants to know can google it themselves.

Whatever it is that's "different" about you, the reason you need to stand tall is so when someone becomes an a**hole about it, you can adopt your FU look. I'm speaking personally about being d/Deaf or vegetarian, but I think this should work for Gays or Wiccans or Buddhists or people who have toenail fungus even -- whoever gets picked on. You'll need to perfect this look in the mirror until you have it just right. My late-deafened friend Jan mentioned it. She has it down pat.

You already have your shoulders straight. You've been smiling and cracking jokes. Jokes are a great ice-breaker and they show you have a sense of humor and that you're an open person. After the a**hole makes his/her remark, you will need to lift your eyebrows in shock, then give the a**hole the beady eye. (Look at the kitty.) Purse your lips and flare your nostrils as if you smell something putrid at the same time. You've been waiting for this moment, so you've practiced the look. It's also nice to have a couple of sarcastic come-backs up your sleeve, but the look should be enough. Since it's a stare down, you will not look away first. At some point, the a**hole will ask, "What you lookin at?"

This is when I might ask my cousin if she's done with her carrot act. Perhaps she'd like to be a turnip next? If the issue is your deafness, sometimes a simple statement such as, "I'm deaf. Deal with it," is enough. Trust me, they won't mess with you again.

There is no shame in disability or being different. When you stand tall, you force people to respect your boundaries. They sense your confidence. You don't have to take crap off anyone.