Deaf Chinese Dancers

This is a youtube video of a deaf Chinese dance troupe. It's awesome and beautiful.

Carol?

For those of us who cannot hear, phone communication poses a huge challenge. When we are late-deafened, it is sometimes difficult for others to understand why we no longer use the phone. We used to use the phone. We still talk. Now suddenly we avoid the phone -- and it seems somewhat anti-social--especially in today's world when everyone else walks around with phones glued to their ears 24/7. Even my 80-year-old father can't grasp why I don't carry around a cell phone like everyone else. Well-- I do actually. I carry a Sidekick and I text people. (Don't tell him please. He hasn't learned how to text. )

A few days ago someone left a message on my phone because she needed to change my appointment. I can't hear phone messages and rarely use the phone unless I have two super loud 50db amplifiers plus my hearing aids with telecoil compatibility. Then I might briefly talk to family members or close friends --people whose voices I know, who also know me, so they know to shout into my ear. Occasionally it works. . . in a pinch. . . if the house is completely quiet. Nevertheless my considerate husband saved the voicemail message, so I could listen to it. HA!

Two nights ago he asked if I had listened to the voicemail yet. He's a bit fastidious about keeping the phone free of unnecessary messages piling up.

"I can't hear phone messages. Can you write it down on a post-it and leave it somewhere? I'll email instead." I said.

Yesterday morning I found a yellow post-it on the coffee-maker. He knows me so well.

Kim--Email Carol to change your appointment. --he wrote.

What appointment I wondered? Who is Carol? What is her email? Or her phone number even?

Last night, once again eager to delete superfluous phone messages, my husband asked, "Have you changed that appointment yet? Did you see my note? Can I erase this message now?"

"You didn't leave a number," I said.

"I thought you were going to email her," he accused.

"I would if I knew who she was. I have to call with IPrelay --and I don't have the number."

"Did you at least TRY listening to her message?"

"Fine! Gimme the phone!"

I listened. This is what I heard. --"Mwah Kim, mwis is mwah-mwah. bwah-bwah-mwah mwah, mwaaaaaahhh, mwah hahaha mwaa mway mwya meh ma." You get the idea. . .

"Can't hear her," I said.

He listened. "She's from the DVR." (Department of Vocational Rehabilitation)

Okay? I just have to ask. . . I had the appointment with the DVR because I am deaf. WHY would she call on the phone?? Do people not get this? To call a deaf person with a regular phone is sort of like expecting a blind person to read a fine print document. It's like asking someone who uses a walker to hike over a rocky trail. The purpose of the DVR is to help the disabled with accommodations they might need in their work environments. The DVR has my email. I have tried calling them with IP relay before. Huge hassle! Automated phone system with a long menu. Isn't it ironic that an office whose sole purpose of existence is to help the disabled with accommodations would be so unaccommodating?

I will try to email the woman I normally meet, (not "Carol" since she didn't leave an email address), and I hope nothing horrible has happened to her, and also that she gets my message.

Getting What You Want

Recently our local ALDA president asked me to write about my experience of trying to get accommodations for my son's high school graduation ceremony this past June. I thought I would include it in here as well. Many of us struggle through this process when we attend public events. In the same newsletter, another friend will be writing about how she tried to get accommodations when she was called for jury duty. Why is it the wheelchair ramps and braille on the doors and elevators are always in place, but the deaf have to make special requests?? Then we have to fight tooth and nail to get it. Here's my story--

I had been through the process of lining up accommodations for my kids' graduation ceremonies before. I knew I needed to start early. With that in mind I typed off my first email to one of the high school counselors in charge of the ceremonies named Sara in early April. Then I said a silent prayer that the other one, Dave, wouldn't be involved in arranging details for that portion of the night's events. I had dealt with him before.

When I didn't hear back for several weeks, I emailed again. If you have normal hearing you might be wondering why I didn't call. I do not hear very well. I might have used IP relay, but like every other business in America, the school has an automated answering system with a menu requiring a series of numbers to be systematically punched in before a human comes on the line. The relay operators can't punch the numbers for us, and by the time they tell us the selections on the menus, we make our choices, then tell the relay operators what numbers to punch in, the automatic machines automatically hang-up. It's a nightmare for deaf people-- but that's for another blog. Anyway, so I emailed the counselor a second time and received this prompt reply back.

(And yes!! These excerpts are from REAL emails I have saved on my computer, but the names have been changed.)

From Sara-

"Kim,
I forwarded your emails to Dave. You haven't heard from him?"

DRAT!! This is not good, I thought. Then I emailed Dave.

"Hi Dave,
I am deaf. I will need accommodations for the graduation ceremony on _____. I contacted Sara on _____, and she said she forwarded my requests to you. What I need is this:

http://www.ncdhh.ne.gov/brochures/cart_broch.pdf.
It's called Computer Assisted Real-Time Transcription, and basically requires hiring a transcriber, providing a screen and special equipment. The cost is normally about $125.000 and I can provide you with a list of transcribers in the Seattle area, but they need to be lined up soon. They provide their own equipment and screen. I am not fluent in ASL, as I'm late-deafened, so hiring an interpreter wouldn't be a good idea.


Please get back to me as soon as possible so we may make arrangements as I feel it's getting late."


From Dave--
Kim, I have been doing graduations for over 10 years for ___, andhave never been aware nor asked to look into either of these options. I have no idea who to turn to for this particular equipment.
I am not sure I will have the time to take care of this and I do not know who would take care of the costs. I am not aware of the person who provided you with (. . .the past accommodations) I will check with __________, ASB Activities Coordinator,on Monday . . .

DRAT--AND DOUBLE-DRAT!! I thought. He had done nothing!!! (ARGHHG!!) WHY did he wait so long? Why did he not find out who would pay at least? When was he going to tell me he wasn't planning to do anything? And WHY did he think the Associated Student Body should pay for my accommodations? What?! Were they supposed to hold a bake sale to pay for the CART and transcriber? Did the ASB have to pay for the wheelchair ramps too? Get real! I had to do some deep breathing and relaxation exercises before sending my next email.

My email to the principal--
Dear Ms. Principal,
My son will be graduating on June ___, and I am in need of accommodations for the ceremony as I am deaf. I emailed ______about this on _______ and haven't heard back. I will need preferential seating, and Computer Assisted Relay-Transcription(CART). I can provide you with a list of people who offer this service. . . . Please let me know what you plan to do to accommodate me for my son's graduation ceremony. If I don't hear back soon, within the week, I plan to contact the Office of Civil Rights to file a complaint against the school district.

Message from Ms Principal-
Hello Ms. _____I am now just reviewing my e-mails. I am sorry that Ms. ______ was not able to get back with you yet about your accommodation request. She is researching how to get what you have requested so she can have information when contacting you. . . . I also cc. Mr. ______. . . . Please know we are well aware of the right you have to have accommodations and the need to help you. That all being said, I personally want you to be able to enjoy this important moment for you son, _____. We will make sure your request is honored. . . Thanks for letting me know of your concern.

And I DID enjoy his graduation! We were seated as close to the stage as possible. I sat right next to the transcriber, who typed every word, even the announcements and the words to the songs were typed onto the screen too. It was fabulous!! The song lyrics were appropriate and moving. The student commencement speeches were sweet and funny and eloquent in the upbeat, informal, endearing way only eighteen-year-olds can be. I enjoyed it SO MUCH!! The school paid. Yahoo!

What I have learned is:
1) Start your requests early
2) Know what you want
3) Have information ready
4) Don't back down
5) Play hardball if you need to. You have nothing to lose. As my mother always said--"The squeaky wheel gets the oil."

I also want to point out my threat to file a complaint with the Office of Civil Rights was not a bluff. I have filed against the school district in the past, and would have done it again. I have a hunch Ms. Principal was well aware of this, even though it wasn't her school I filed against. Know your rights and do not make empty threats.

It is nice to follow up with a thank-you note afterwards, though not absolutely necessary since they are required by federal law to accommodate you, but it's still thoughtful and smooths things over after you've given them such a hard time making them jump through hoops and all. 8-)

By the way, none of the graduates pictured above are my son. Those are graduates of Florida State. I just thought it was a cute picture.

Good Deaf Reads

Last week while digging through a pile of old books I came across a great mystery I'd read long ago called A Maiden's Grave by Jeffrey Deaver. It was about two kidnappers who held a school bus full of young girls and their teachers hostage in an abandoned meat factory. The twist; the captives turned out to be deaf. What the kidnappers didn't count on was the trouble they would encounter controlling their victims due to the deaf girls' ability to speak silently to each other in ASL when their captors weren't looking. Oh this was a GREAT read! Another fun book I enjoyed a couple years ago was, If You Could Hear What I See, written by deaf comedian Kathy Buckley about her childhood. Then I remembered an informative biography I read about Thomas Gallaudet way back when I was a kid called Gallaudet, Friend of the deaf. This was an old, old biography written for children published in 1964, but was really quite good, though I'm not even sure it's available anymore. Occasionally I pick up a great "deaf" read. Flipping through the pages of some of my favorite books gave me the idea it might be fun to compile a list of good reads about deaf/hard-of-hearing people, their culture and history.

So I've done just that. I have only read the top two on this list, but I plan to read the rest. If you know of a good book or biography involving a deaf character or a great "deaf" non-fiction read, send me the title and author, and I'll add it to my list. I plan to place this list on the right side of my blog too, and separate the books by genre.

1. A Maiden's Grave by Jeffrey Deaver
2. If You Could Hear What I See by Kathy Buckley
3. Silence is Golden: A Connor Westphal Mystery by Penny Warner
4. Deafening by Frances Itani
5. The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
6. Through Deaf Eyes: A Photographic History Of An American Community
7. Everyone Here Spoke Sign Language: Hereditary Deafness On Martha's Vineyard by Nora Ellen Groce
8. In Silence: Growing Up Hearing In A Deaf World by Ruth Sidransky
9. The Tailor's Daughter by Janice Graham
10. Hurt Go Happy by Ginny Rorby
11. MindField by John F Egbert
12. Talk Talk by T. Coraghessan Boyle
13. Deaf Women's Lives: Three Self- Portraits
14. She Doesn't Look Deaf by Corinne Cheatham
15. Deaf In Delhi by Madan Vasishta

If you know of a book, send the title to me, and I'll add it!

Impaired?! (ARRGGHH!!)

Last night, my brother made the grievous error of calling me hearing-impaired. I didn't mean to jump down his throat, but I hate that term. I just HATE it. I don't feel "impaired" in any way. In fact I am healthier than he is. I can't hear well, but there are so many other things I CAN do. Many things I do better than hearing people. For example, I have a super-duper sense of smell. Also, some of my friends have pointed out that I'm more observant of visual details than the average person. I feel most deaf people learn to compensate for their hearing losses, and live relatively normal lives. I believe I have had a really GOOD life compared to most.

I am not magnificently talented, but I have a personality and interests outside my hearing loss. I'm an avid reader. I know a bit about butterflies and gardening. I love opera-- what little I hear of it-- but I love the stage and sets and costumes. I have raised three children, manage a home, dabble in ethnic cooking, and I've recently become a vegetarian. So I've been experimenting with vegetarian dishes lately. I am taking American Sign Language, learning how to belly-dance and how to play a West African drum called the djembe. I'm also in the process of redecorating my home since my youngest is going to move out soon. I'm planning two trips out of the country in the coming year too. That's why this blog is called LIFE and deaf. Deaf and hard-of-hearing people do all the same things everyone else does. We're not all about deafness. If you are deaf or hard-of-hearing, I'd love to hear what you're doing, what your hobbies are, and your talents. Please- drop a line. I want all those hearing people out there to stop thinking of us as being "impaired."



Today, and for the next few Sundays, I plan to dedicate my blogs to outstanding deaf and hard-of-hearing people who have achieved unusual success above and beyond the norm. Deaf heroes. My first choice is William "Dummy Hoy." ("Dummy is NOT a nice word to call the deaf today, but William Hoy was born in the 1860's when the word 'dumb' meant 'mute', not stupid. "Dumb" has since morphed into a more negative, ugly connotation for the deaf, and you could get punched in the nose for calling a deaf person that today.) William Hoy was the first deaf major league baseball player. Not only was he a great baseball player, but he also helped his team by inventing "secret baseball hand signals" still in use today. Many deaf people are very athletic and signing can be put to good use in a lot of sports! Many deep sea divers use it, for example. To read more about William Hoy go here William Hoy.

Midieval Deaf

The Medieval Festival.


Ever since I went to the Medieval Festival last Saturday I have been thinking about how difficult it would have been to interact with anyone in a busy village without hearing aids. I'm not sure what social convention required of women other than domestic chores and child bearing. Loud community gatherings at a faire with the neighbors would have been challenging. Even today, with hearing aids, I tend to avoid busy activities that require talking to lots of people.

Of the events I attended last Saturday, the play was the most difficult to follow because the actors all wore wooden masks over their faces making it impossible to see their mouths move. All the entertainment took place outside, so no walls offered acoustical sound enhancement. Magic, musical and jousting performances were delivered without the benefit of microphone equipment or sound systems. Many of the males wore beards obsuring their mouths-- a problem for those of us who read lips. I couldn't hear or understand anything-- EVEN WITH HEARING AIDS. I had to ask my family constantly what was going on. During a musical performance the musicians invited the crowd to sit closer, so I went. I enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere of sitting near the musicians. I could hear the music better, especially the drum and bagpipes; And being closer I could read their lips while they sang. But it turned out the words to their songs were in Gaelic, so it didn't much matter. Then a story-teller told a tale in English about a stolen pork chop and some monks, and a miracle performed by the Virgin Mary. I heard maybe 1/3 of it with my hearing aids, and realized I would have been deaf to it all without. A magician performed some impressive trickery with scarves and rings, then we all went to the Inn for potage and mead-- the highlight of my visit back in time.


I have wondered how common hearing loss was in 1376. I've read the average lifespan during medieval times was about age thirty. Many of us who are late-deafened may not have survived the diseases or conditions that deafened us if we had been alive in the middle-ages. For example, my hearing loss was theoretically caused when the measles damaged my cochleas as a little girl, which supposedly started an early progressive hearing loss. Without the benefit of aspirin to bring my high temperature down, would I have died? Statistically, one in three people over age sixty-five develops hearing loss today, but if so few people lived to age sixty-five in the 1300s, I wonder how many people developed the relatively common hearing loss associated with aging? I don't know the answer to this question, but I am beginning to speculate that maybe hearing loss was rare. I just don't know.

Near-sightedness, on the other hand, is common in young people today, since the average onset is about age ten. I assume many people would have been near-sighted during the middle-ages too. I cannot imagine my life without glasses! They are so much better at correcting vision than hearing aids are at correcting hearing. Medieval women spent hours each day laboring over needle work. I would choose glasses over hearing aids if I could pick only one, as I feel the ability to see would have been more necessary for survival. With both a seeing and hearing problem, I don't know how effective or useful I could have been.

Yikes--it's a scary thought! No wonder they drank so much mead and ale!

My Top Five Hearing Aid Hate List

My Top Five Hearing Aid Hate List:

1. Noise distortion.
A) Over--amplification in frequency ranges where I don't need it.
B) Under-amplification in the frequency ranges where I need it.
C) Over-amplified noise drowning out the under-amplified sounds I need to hear.

2. Discomfort-
A) Too much stuff in, on, around the ears.
B) Plugged up feeling inside the ears.
C) Weight hanging over ears.
D) Soreness of molds where rubbing inside the ears.
E) Sweaty when hot.
F) Stickiness after wearing for awhile.

3. Whistling like a teapot at all the wrong times. (Is there ever a right time for that piercing squeal we all know as the dreaded "feedback"? Have any of you ever been sitting quietly in your book group trying to listen to the discussion when someone says, "What's that . . NOISE?" The room becomes deadly quiet as the others cock their ears like hunting Labradors. Then one of them points to you. "It's HER!" she yelps accusingly. They all stare in disbelief as you tootle away. You've been caught again-- disrupting the book group with inappropriate noises.) FEEDBACK.

4. I can't hear anyway.

5. Why do they cost so much?!?

What's on YOUR hate list? CI wearers feel free to chime in even though you have different issues.

Beethoven's Nightmare

I found a YouTube surprise. This is a D-E-A-F band called Beethoven's Nightmare. Notice they don't sing much, but they DO sign to their songs. Aren't they COOL?

The Flying Dutchman--OH What a MAN!

I went to see The Flying Dutchman on Sunday. I know some of you might be wondering why
I would be interested in the opera since I cannot hear worth a darn. I must first elucidate a bit about hearing.

Sound is made up of two components-- volume and pitch. (In truth, it's way more complicated than this, but we won't go there today-- if ever.) Volume, as you know, relates to the loudness. Pitch has something to do with the frequency of sound vibrations. We hear pitch as sound
differentiation-- the difference between a piccolo and a tuba, for example. If you think about a piano, there are keys that make high pitched sounds and keys that make low pitched sounds. If you strike a piano key hard, this will make the volume of that key louder than if you strike it softly. A very high-pitched key can be struck hard to create a loud high-pitched sound. In life, some loud high pitched sounds might be sirens, fire alarms and telephones. High-pitched does
not always mean quiet. Sometimes people have a hard time understanding this, and assume all high-pitched sounds are quiet.

Low pitched sounds can be very quiet. A lawnmower makes a low-pitched sound, and is loud when you are right next to it. But if the lawnmower is mowing on the next block it could be a quiet low-pitched sound. A school bus is low-pitched and is very loud if you're right next to it, but three blocks away it's much quieter, yet it is still low-pitched.

You might be wondering why I'm explaining all this. It's critical to understand, because people who have hearing loss do not often hear all sounds equally. A person with normal hearing will have a flat horizontal line running along the top of their audiogram somewhere between 10-20 dbs. Others can be profoundly deaf in some frequencies (pitches), moderately deaf in other frequencies and have perfect hearing in still other frequencies. In fact this is quite common.

My hearing is near perfect in the low tones (pitches), but I'm deaf to high tones. So what does this means in terms of the opera? It means I can hear most everything below middle-C pretty well with my hearing aids.

I heard Greer Grimsley's base-baritone voice just fine, and OH! He was SO fine! I'll take him over Johnny Depp any day. Unfortunately for me Jay Hunter Morris' voice was drowned out by the orchestra. He was the tenor who played Erik, Stenta's jilted boyfriend.

I was curious how the others perceived his voice so asked the couple we went out with about
this. They have perfect hearing. (My husband, like me, is losing his hearing, which is why I didn't ask his opinion.) The other couple felt Morris' volume was just as loud as Grimsley's. This was how I knew the problem was with my hearing, not Morris' performance.

I always keep my opinions about the music and performances to myself for this very reason, because I can't trust my ears. Still I was not disappointed in the production. I hear horns, but not piccolos; drums, but not violins. Wagner is heavy on horns and drums, so this opera was much more musically enjoyable than usual for me, even though Erik's (Morris') voice was drowned out. Grimsley and what I heard of the orchestra was fantastic! Also there were some good chorale parts. Again I picked up on the baritone harmony. Our friends mentioned the chorus of women in the workshop. Lost on me.

One really nice thing about opera is the sets and costuming are so very creative, colorful, and visually stimulating. I love to watch the way sets change and to note any small symbolic details. I am fascinated by the way simple tricks of lighting or props can suggest changes in space and time. The stage challenges my imagination in ways film can't.

Finally, my hometown opera offers subtitles, so I don't miss a bit of the story line. Since I can't go to plays (they do not usually offer subtitles), this is one great way for me to enjoy the arts! And I love it!

Afterwards we all went to dinner at a Thai place. I made everyone shift seats until there was no glare behind any heads or shadows running across lips. Then I ordered a tofu dish with only one star because my delicate constitution couldn't handle any more heat after Grimsley's blazing performance. Oh my!

Poetry-You Have To Be Deaf To Understand

Today's post is about deaf art and audism. The picture above, painted by Susan Dupor, is titled "Family Dog". The girl on the ground represents how she feels like the family dog when her family fails to consider her communication needs. I love the way her face looks so dog like. A large social gathering is a nightmare for most deaf people, with several conversations going on at once and people excitedly talking above one another, no one using ASL. The blur of faces depicts the difficulties in following along. Even if she could lip read, watching so many faces at once would be impossible. Everyone seems to be ignoring her. Communicating with her is too much work, so they don't bother. I have felt just like this many times. I'm there, but not interacting with anyone. Jokes are told, stories shared, and I'm not hearing any of it. I've been trying to convince my family to take ASL, but its' hard to get them to face the facts about my hearing loss, since they knew me way back when, and my speech is still good. Also I happen to be pretty good at lipreading one on one.

"But you do so well with your lip-reading," they say.

"Do I?" (or is it that you don't want to be bothered with ASL?) My last audiogram indicated I was hearing less than 12% of what was being said with amplification on random word testing. When I go for the cochlear implant evaluation, we'll see how well I do with contextual clues.

Below is a poem called "You Have To Be Deaf To Understand" I only had mild hearing loss as a child. Some of this rings true for me now. I love this poem.


What is it like to "hear" a hand?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be a small child,
In a school, in a room void of sound-
With a teacher who talks and talks and talks;
And then when she does come around to you,
She expects you to know what she's said?
You have to be deaf to understand.

Or the teacher thinks that to make you smart,
You must first learn how to talk with your voice;
So mumbo-jumbo with hands on your face
For hours and hours without patience or end,
Until out comes a faint resembling sound?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be curious,
To thirst for knowledge you can call your own,
With an inner desire that's set on fire-
And you ask a brother, sister, or friend
Who looks in answer and says, "Never mind"?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What it is like in a corner to stand,
Though there's nothing you've done really wrong,
Other than try to make use of your hands
To a silent peer to communicate
A thought that comes to your mind all at once?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be shouted at
When one thinks that will help you to hear;
Or misunderstand the words of a friend
Who is trying to make a joke clear,
And you don't get the point because he's failed?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be laughed in the face
When you try to repeat what is said;
Just to make sure that you've understood,
And you find that the words were misread-
And you want to cry out, "Please help me, friend"?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to have to depend
Upon one who can hear to phone a friend;
Or place a call to a business firm
And be forced to share what's personal, and,
Then find that your message wasn't made clear?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to be deaf and alone
In the company of those who can hear-
And you only guess as you go along,
For no one's there with a helping hand,
As you try to keep up with words and song?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like on the road of life
To meet with a stranger who opens his mouth-
And speaks out a line at a rapid pace;
And you can't understand the look in his face
Because it is new and you're lost in the race?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to comprehend
Some nimble fingers that paint the scene,
And make you smile and feel serene
With the "spoken word" of the moving hand
that makes you part of the world at large?
You have to be deaf to understand.

What is it like to "hear" a hand?
Yes, you have to be deaf to understand.

"You Have to be Deaf to Understand" was written by Willard J. Madsen, associate professor at Gallaudet College and a graduate of the Kansas School for the Deaf.

My Friend's Hands

Yesterday a deaf friend came over to check out my son's waterbed that we're planning to drain and dispose of since he's moving into a college dorm soon (whoopee!). I haven't been practicing ASL enough, and I'd forgotten how wonderful it is to have someone sign a word when you need a repeat, instead of asking them to say it over and over and over again. Even though we talked orally, we automatically signed most the time too. That was so nice for me because I'm not fluent enough to depend totally on ASL, though I could communicate with her in ASL for a couple hours without speaking last spring. I'm just SO out of practice now!! I don't hear well enough to depend on my ears anymore either. I CAN of course, because I have to, since my family and most of my friends are hearing, but lipreading (speechreading) is so much work. What a relief to be around someone who signs! I guess that's the problem with being late-deafened. If I had been born deaf I would be more proficient in ASL, and have more deaf friends, but I wasn't. After awhile I even took out my hearing aids, which I hate wearing.

It was also really nice connecting with her because I haven't seen her for a long time, and I've missed her. I haven't seen any other deaf people in awhile either. I showed her the results of my new audiogram. She's one of the few people I know who can look at it and actually understand what it means. Our audiograms are almost alike, but now that mine has taken another dive she says she thinks my hearing is worse. She was born with her hearing loss, so her hearing is more stable than mine.

We discussed cochlear implants, a local deaf club's new webpage, and another local club's picnic. We thought it would be nice to have a get-together with all the deaf/late-deaf people we know in the area, and talked about deaf people we had not seen in awhile who we would like to see again. . .and so on. Then, she looked at my video phone because it wasn't working and promised to send an email with the name of someone who could troubleshoot it. I had recently been to the DVR and she had just made an appointment to go there. We discussed what they offer to people with hearing loss, the ADA laws, how to get accommodations at work, etc. These are the kinds of things I don't/can't talk to hearing people about, and I crave this. I think I've mentioned before the support I get from my deaf friends is my lifeline, not that I love hearing friends less. A couple have even offered to take ASL with me, which made me tear up a little.

I've made a mental note to prioritize registering for ASL classes at the nearby community college this fall, so I can stay more involved. (I have taken three basic ASL immersion classes from the Hearing, Speech and Deafness Cntr.) Between that and the belly dancing I'll be gone three nights a week. But I feel it's imperative to stay in touch with deaf friends, which I can't do if I can't communicate with them.

Fussy Friend

I'm fussy. Yesterday I went to lunch with an old friend, meaning someone I've known a long time. She's no older than me really.

First off, I had to ask if she would mind driving because I have this tendency to lip read and drive at the same time. Since most people like their driver to watch the road, she immediately agreed to the "You drive." arrangement. Most of my friends are used to this, but sometimes I have to remind them.

When we got into her car, she asked, "Where's your thingy?"

She was referring to my pocket-talker, which has a little microphone she's supposed to wear while driving. This is a wonderful device that brings the sounds of speech directly into my hearing aids while muffling all other unwanted noise. The clamor of the road is usually a big problem for me without it, but I haven't used my pocket-talker for awhile, since my hearing took another dive last winter. So it's in my closet with dead batteries. I didn't want to explain all that. I just told her the batteries went dead and I'll go without.

"Sure?" she asks, "I'll wait for you to change them if you want."

"Yeah, I'm fine-- REALLY."

Then there was the question of where to eat. "YOU decide," she says, " I don't know which places are quiet enough."

I can't hear in noisy restaurants. There was also the challenge of my being vegetarian hanging in the air, though that hardly compared to the complication of finding a quiet place at noon. I suggested an Indian joint, remembering it seemed peaceful the last several times I had been, though when we got there I was shocked by the clattering of dishes and din of babbling patrons. Then I realized my error. The past few times I had gone there with a deaf friend. We had taken out our hearing aids and signed the entire time.

As we were escorted to our table, my friend asked, "Is this spot OK for you? Where do you want to sit? Booth or chair?"

Scanning around, I chose the chair since it faced away from most of the other restaurant patrons, no shadows would be crossing my friend's face, or blinding lights behind her head-- all good. When you can't hear, seating arrangement can be a vital consideration, especially if you're going to be relying on lip reading to a large extent. Normally I would choose the booth because sound tends to bounce off, but the booths here were short. No good for bouncing sound around the ears. Then I switched on my directional mic. program in my hearing aids to cut out all the clatter behind me. Worked marginally OK. My friend was yelling anyway, and she couldn't hear well either.

Before we left I mentioned I had to use the restroom and didn't want to use the one in the restaurant. "What's wrong with the one here?" she asked as we got up to leave. I don't like it because it's one of those small broom closet types that isn't well-maintained and you have to walk by the kitchen staff so they all know where you're going. It just bothers me--has nothing to do with my hearing.

I have been thinking about my friends and what they put up with being a friend to me. I do not go to parties unless they're required--funerals and weddings mostly. And OK-- let's be honest-- a funeral doesn't count as a party. I would forgo most wedding receptions if I could. It's so hard to hear in large social gatherings. I hate them. I cannot go to a movie unless they're captioned, so I'm not the kind of friend you can call up at the last minute and say, "Let's go see the third Bourne Identity movie tonight!" If we go out to eat, I pick where, I decide where to sit, and YOU drive. People who don't like driving all the time, who like to party and go to movies, or who like to have some control over restaurant decisions tire of me quickly. I guess my peculiarities pretty much exclude MOST people because I don't have a lot of close hearing friends. I can count them on one hand. I imagine others crossing me off their lists while exclaiming, I just hate driving her everywhere!

Other than my late-deafened friends who all have the same issues as me, I count my few hearing friends among the most compassionate, patient people I know. Most-- not ALL-- have endured some sort of tremendous pain, strain or loss at some point. Some fall into niche groups set apart from the norm-- a lesbian with MS, a mother of a schizophrenic adult child, a Buddhist two-time cancer survivor .

I value the fact they are SO incredibly accommodating. Thinking about the battles they've endured, I have wondered if the reason they tolerate me is because of their own experiences of intolerance? Let me put it this way-- we've all been stared at, coped with public discomfort because of our differences, and withstood rude comments from ignorant people. I am personally aware of growing more broad-minded and forgiving because of my 'deaf' experiences over the years, so it has occurred to me that maybe they also feel a softening or more tolerance towards others, if only because they know what it's like to be "different" or labeled, or be pidgeon-holed.

Then, too, is the fact that when someone demonstrates acceptance and kindness towards you, it's much easier to abide their differences whether they are Lesbian, Wicca, reformed alcoholic, deaf, or Buddhist. . .

I have nothing against Christians, I AM one. I went to church regularly until I could no longer hear. I used to teach Sunday school and was heavily involved with my church, but I never felt the kind of merciful compassion or outreach from any of the Christians there that I've received from these others; not even from ministers. Thinking it might have been that particular church, I tried several other churches that didn't work out either. I have to wonder about this. I have a few friends involved with deaf churches or who have found strength through their church families, so I'm not anti-Christian, I'm only saying the support wasn't there for me. When I see intolerant Christians railing against people like some of my friends, it makes my blood boil now, though I also recognize not all Christians are like that. Just a few bad apples.

The friend I went to lunch with yesterday, she's simply a nice person-- not in any niche group. That makes me wonder too. How did she become so non-judgemental, so accommodating, so tolerant of differences and my brand of fussiness? I wish I knew.

Whatever the case sometimes I feel lucky to have the hearing loss, because of the kinds of friends it has helped me find.

Terms of En-deaf-ment

When you lose your hearing, one of the first problems you must learn to deal with is telling complete strangers all the time, everywhere you go, in every new situation, that you cannot hear. For example, today before 11:00am, I told at least six people I had a hearing loss because my son needed a surgical procedure. He's an adult, but since I am his mother and had to wait for him in the waiting room, I had to tell office staff, his doctor, the anesthesiologist and two nurses. Additionally I had to tell someone when I got a latte.

Unlike blind people or the disabled where there's always some kind of obvious clue-- crutches, dark glasses, wheelchair, cane,. . .with hearing loss there isn't anything too unusual about my outward appearance. Everyone assumes I can hear unless I tell them otherwise. I have learned from experience it's best to get this out of the way first thing. I would rather someone know I can't hear well than having them think I'm stupid or not paying attention.

After informing someone of my hearing loss, then I brace for the reaction, which can be anywhere from "How the FUCK am I supposed to talk to you?!" (Yeah -- someone actually said that-- more than once!) to gushing sympathy --"Oh you poor thing, I'm soooo sorry." Mostly, it's somewhere in between. Generally, people are pretty good about it. I just want acknowledgement that necessary accommodations may need to be made, not sympathy and certainly not anger. What I usually want is for you to look at me, take your hand away from your mouth, stop chewing your gum and biting your nails, or whatever other annoying oral habits you may have, so that I can read your lips.

I also hate it when people assume they know everything about me because they've had previous experience with another deaf or hard-of-hearing person. I do not need you to tell me about an audiologist or doctor who will help me. You don't know anything about me, or my hearing problem. I realize you think very highly of the doctor that helped your grandma, but not all hearing problems are alike. I haven't asked your advice, but let me assure you I've researched my hearing loss thoroughly and I see an internationally known specialist downtown-- probably one of the best on on the west coast. I think I have it covered--thanks. We aren't friends. You're a stranger.

Recently on one of my lists, the question of labels came up again. What do you tell people, so they understand you can't hear? This can be awkward for many of us. If you're not culturally Deaf, you basically have three choices. The Deaf make distinctions between D-deaf and d-deaf (meaning those who are deaf and also speak orally.)

1) d-deaf. The rest of the population doesn't have a clue that some deaf people speak. To inform them of your deafness may confuse them. However in my opinion this is the most correct and effective term, especially if your deafness is severe-profound in the speech ranges-- which mine is. The deaf word gets their attention. You can use a modifier, such as saying "partially deaf" which one of my list-members cleverly thought up. For the past four years, I've always used "practically deaf" or "late-deafened"-- a term coined by the Association of Late-Deafened Adults (ALDA). These are people who became deaf post-lingually like me. Incidentally, 70% of all deaf people become deaf post-lingually.

I looked up the word 'deaf' in the Websters on-line Dictionary. Here's the definition below.

"deaf /dɛf/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[def] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, -er, -est, noun
–adjective
1.
partially or wholly lacking or deprived of the sense of hearing; unable to hear.
2.
refusing to listen, heed, or be persuaded; unreasonable or unyielding: deaf to all advice. –noun
3.
(used with a plural verb) deaf persons collectively (usually prec. by the).
[Origin: bef. 900; ME deef, OE déaf; c. MLG dōf, D doof, OHG toub]"

Still, there can be drawbacks to using the word deaf. When I inform people I'm deaf, they often assume I speak sign language. Sometimes they even compliment me on my ability to speak orally. I feel like complimenting them back--and sometimes I do --with a wink. I actually do use a little sign language, but I'm far from fluent. Mostly, when I'm in a situation with strangers I don't feel like giving a lecture on deafness, why I speak so well, or pointing out how many deaf people actually DO speak orally.

The other two options for informing people and labeling your hearing loss are not without their problems--

2) Hard-of-hearing. What the hell does that mean? Why do the other disabilities not have a similar distinction? Hard-of-seeing as opposed to blindness, or Hard-of-walking? Let's call a spade a spade. If you cannot hear well, you are deaf. I do not understand why people feel it makes a big difference that one person can hear better than another when it is a fact all people with hearing loss struggle. Take the blind. They are ALL called blind, even though some of them can read large print books, and see well enough to walk without a cane. We have handicapped parking at work and a special door for them to walk through. It doesn't matter if they're in a wheelchair, walker or use crutches. They are ALL considered handicapped. We do not call some of them "hard-of-walking" and expect more of them because they really aren't that handicapped. Finally, I should point out it is a fact that those who are culturally deaf and do not speak, frequently have better hearing than those who are late-deafened or hard-of-hearing who DO speak. We are ALL deaf! So I personally feel the term hard-of-hearing is a very misleading designation that causes a schism within the Deaf/deaf community.

3) Hearing-impaired. This is equally vague, and also quite negative. I hate this term. I used to use it because someone told me it was politically correct. Then one day while skiing, I started feeling really good about myself that I had such good health, and I didn't feel at all impaired. That very moment I saw a man whiz by me skiing with no legs. He didn't seem at all impaired either. So I stopped using that term. I do not consider myself impaired. I am challenged in some situations--yes. I am proud of the ways I meet these challenges on a daily basis. I don't consider myself "impaired."

Journey Into Deafness

I was probably no older than three the first time I saw someone wearing hearing aids. It was, for some reason, one of those unexplained lucid moments I remember so clearly as if it happened just recently. Even now the details are so clear I can see the colors of the walls, faces, the checker's hands ringing up items. It seems as if I was supposed to remember.

I was sitting in a shopping cart at the A&P. Mama and I had pulled up at a check-out station behind another woman and her son. I watched the checker for awhile, mama licking her stamp book, then noticed the little boy standing ahead of us quietly. He was wearing some sort of contraption with big black things over his ears. I had seen something like this in the winter--ear muffs. But it was summer and these ear things were not knitted ear muffs. They were made of metal and rubber, and had electrical wiring. I asked mama, maybe in too loud of a voice, what those things were on that boy's ears. I could tell at once I had embarrassed her. She shushed me, then explained quietly he could not hear well, so he had to wear something called hearing aids. Then she smiled apologetically to the other mother.

Right then a feeling came over me that I would someday be just like that boy. So I told my mama. She laughed and said, "No, your hearing is just fine. You will never have to wear hearing aids like him." Though I knew as she said this she was wrong, I kept it to myself. I wanted to believe her.

I think this was my first ever premonition. I've had a few others since. Always I remember them in sharp detail, just like I remember this one so vividly. It wasn't long after that I came down with the measles, though my hearing loss wasn't immediately noticeable. In fact it wasn't even diagnosed until decades later. However, the official word is the measles did my hearing in. Who knows? I could have contracted it right off that shopping cart-- or maybe not. The sickness and what came after is much more muddled in my memory.

I am not exactly sure when I first noticed the hearing loss. When you are young, you often assume others are exactly like you. Looking back I realize I had lots of problems. Ear pressure caused tremendous pain while swimming under water, or driving over mountain passes. I always had tinnitus (ringing in the ears) off and on. None of the schools I went to performed routine hearing screenings. As a teenager, I began to notice a plugged ear feeling and the tinnitus increased.

At nineteen the tinnitus got so bad I decided to see a doctor, and that was when my hearing loss was first discovered. At that time my audiogram made a cookie bite pattern in the speech ranges. My doctor suggested the hearing loss might be "allergy related." I swear most every incurable ailment was blamed on allergies back in the 70s. I pursued allergy treatments for awhile. When it became clear they didn't work, and my hearing continued to decline, I gave up. My hearing has continued to decline into what is known as a "ski-slope" loss--profound in the speech tones-- though my low frequencies are still good.

Everyone wore surgical masks in the dental office where I worked when I was in my early twenties. So I switched to a desk job, which was easier than admitting I couldn't understand people with their lips covered. Then I realized I couldn't hear on the phone well. Years went by before I conceded that I needed to do something. By this time I had a small baby, and avoided most social situations because of the hearing difficulties. I couldn't hear movies. TV Captioning hadn't been invented yet, and phone communication had become next to impossible.

Buying my first pair of hearing aids in my twenties was bittersweet. At last I could hear-- somewhat. Hearing aids are ONLY aids, they are not like glasses in that they do not provide a perfect correction. There is still a lot of distortion, missing sound and amplified sound where you do not need it. Hearing aids are more comparable to prosthetic limbs than glasses. Still, I was most amazed by my baby son's sweet cooing voice. I was hearing sounds I had never heard. That was miraculous!

Then my audiologist handed me a maintenance pamphlet with illustrations of gray-haired, seventy-year-old grandparents on the front, and I feel apart. We all know the stereotype of hearing loss as an "old person's" complaint, but until that point I tried to keep an open mind. Of course, I reasoned, if I had hearing loss, then lots of other young people must have hearing loss too. So I guess I expected more age diversity on the pamphlet. How naive of me! When I saw everyone on the front cover of that pamphlet portrayed in deep wrinkles and gray hair, that's when I realized what an anomaly I was. I cried all the way home. I didn't know one person with hearing aids. I didn't even know any people my parents age with hearing aids.

Emotionally I started crumbling and continued to crumble for the next fifteen years or so. On the outside I managed, I think, but inside I grieved. I didn't know where to turn and there wasn't much support. I felt so isolated. While my friends talked about breast-feeding, childbirth, home decorating and new jobs, I needed someone to talk with about audiologists, ear mold discomfort, parenting with hearing loss, new hearing aid technology, on the job accommodations, and a whole host of other concerns I had about my future with an incurable idiopathic progressive hearing loss. This was, after all, the early 80s. Digital hearing aids had not been invented yet. No one had even heard of cochlear implants. The Hearing Loss Association of America (HLA--formerly SHHH) was in its infancy, and full of retired grandparents who weren't parenting or working. The local chapter was far away and they usually held their meetings at inconvenient times for young people. I didn't fit in. The American Disabilities Act didn't exist yet.

To make matters worse, my hearing was declining at a rapid rate and no one knew why or how to stop it, or how bad it was going to get. Was I going to be deaf by age fifty? No one knew. Just as an example to show how out of touch most professionals were and still are, the first time I went to a psychologist to talk about the support I needed, she suggested I get a job. I look back on this and shake my head. I was grieving. I needed accommodations in order to get a job. I needed a LOT of support. The last thing I needed was someone shrugging her shoulders and telling me to go back to work.

This isn't the first time a doctor has overlooked my hearing loss. Even recently my family doctor, who has been informed numerous times, failed to recognize the impact it might have on other health issues. Just the daily stress of speech reading constantly, and filling in the blanks, guessing, and not being able to communicate effectively with 90% of the population every day, all day long---it's the little things that add up to a huge stress factor. True, she doesn't have a copy of my audiogram. I've made a note to have it sent to her, because every time I go there I have to remind the office staff I'm deaf.

Anyway it has been more than twenty years since that first ineffective series of visits to the psychologist who suggested I "get a job." I would like to take that young woman (me) by the hand to guide her through this awful mess. I wish I could go back in time and tell her it's all going to be OK. Technology is going to get better, she will discover ways to communicate on the phone and without a phone. Computers will be invented and deaf people will "talk" via videophones, email, IM, and phones with words running across a screen. TVs will all be captioned and even some movie theaters will offer it too. There will be laws that employers must accommodate us, and she will eventually get a job with accommodations that suits her. HLA will thrive and become powerful and many young people will get involved. Other support groups will pop up--the Assoc of Late-Deafened Adults (ALDA) and tons of on-line support groups. Some people still don't know where to turn. So I'm advocating. I can't go back in time, but it does me good to help others.

My deaf adventure is the main point of this blog, but since deafness doesn't define me or anyone, there will be lots of other posts in here as well-- just on life--through my eyes-- because blogging is my therapy. If you are losing your hearing or you know someone who is and you find anything in here helpful, then that's GREAT!

The Top Ten

So Here is it Readers. The Most Challenged List of 2006 compiled by the American Library Association.

"(They) reflect a range of themes, and consist of the following titles:
“And Tango Makes Three” by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, for homosexuality, anti-family, and unsuited to age group;
“Gossip Girls” series by Cecily Von Ziegesar for homosexuality, sexual content, drugs, unsuited to age group, and offensive language;
“Alice” series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor for sexual content and offensive language;
“The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things” by Carolyn Mackler for sexual content, anti-family, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
“The Bluest Eye” by Toni Morrison for sexual content, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
“Scary Stories” series by Alvin Schwartz for occult/Satanism, unsuited to age group, violence, and insensitivity;
“Athletic Shorts” by Chris Crutcher for homosexuality and offensive language;
“The Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky for homosexuality, sexually explicit, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
“Beloved” by Toni Morrison for offensive language, sexual content, and unsuited to age group; and
“The Chocolate War” by Robert Cormier for sexual content, offensive language, and violence.

Off the list this year, but on for several years past, are the “Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger, “Of Mice and Men” by John Steinbeck and “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” by Mark Twain."

I was curious about "And Tango Makes Three" so I checked it out from my local library. This is a true story about two male penguins in New York City's Central Park Zoo who "are a little different from the other penguins" (Yes, that's just exactly how the author explains it.) because they fall in love with each other rather than with two other female penguins. They do everything together, however they soon discover they cannot do one thing the other penguin couples can do. Though they make a perfect little nest just like all the other penguins, they cannot produce an egg. Eventually out of desperation, one of them finds an egg shaped rock. Day after day they sit on it, but of course it never hatches because it is only a rock. Finally a sympathetic zookeeper has an idea. When another penguin couple lays two eggs (penguins can only sit on one), he gives the extra to his poor eggless couple. They are very, very careful to take turns sitting on it. When the baby chick finally hatches, the zookeeper names her Tango. The two fathers teach her how to swim and take good care of her. The little family can still be seen at the Central Park Zoo today.

Personally, I love everything about this story from the beautiful illustrations to the tasteful way it is told. Because it's a TRUE tale depicting a compassionate a zookeeper, the ethical value of tolerating differences circumvents the more subtle message that these penguins are homosexual, in my humble opinion. A child who doesn't yet understand how babies are made may not even get why the two penguins are "a little different" or may simply assume they are different because they can't lay an egg. In any case, whether a parent approves or disapproves of the gay lifestyle, I would think any parent would want their child to be kind to an animal who didn't understand.

I wanted to see what the "other side" had to say about it, so I went googling and found this site:

Monday, March 19th, 2007
http://tinyurl.com/yp85he

Scroll down the page and you'll come to an article titled, "A glimpse of our future unless you stand" where they highlight a new UK Government Program that teaches/"normalizes" Homosexuality. Three books are pictured "King and King"-- a modern fairytale about a prince who rejects three princesses, then finally finds a prince to marry; "Spacegirl Pukes" about a girl who has two mothers (I couldn't even find this on Amazon); and "And Tango Makes Three."

Further down we find a plea-- "The Christian Voice advocacy group is calling for parents to act, pledging to identify the schools where the books are in use so they can be pressured to remove them from the curriculum."

Well it's one thing to remove a book from the "curriculum." The word 'curriculum' is key here, because that means the book is forced reading. But a lot of parents think they need to remove these books off library shelves so that others may not read them on their leisure time. I guess I'm just wondering about the kids at these schools who actually have two mothers or two fathers? Maybe they might identify with a kid in a book who lives in a family with two moms, or a penguin family that has two dads?

Challenged and Banned Books

Since I mentioned book challenging yesterday I thought it might be fun to post the top 100 most challenged list of the past decade from 1990-2000. Some have pointed out it reads more like a best seller list, for once a book is challenged it's sure to gain a lot of attention. Though truthfully, that's not why many of these books are so noteworthy. Most are just plain great books because they're well-written. Many are classics. Some deal with difficult subject matter. We all know, for example, that Mark Twain used the n-word throughout Huckleberry Finn, but that was how people talked then. One has to look at the bigger picture-- that Huck Finn was a statement against the Jim Crow laws of the south. Of Mice and Men is another great example-- a classic, a mentally disabled person, a mercy murder. . .difficult to digest and many feeling to process. Then, there's Sex by Madonna. Yeah-- we don't wanna go there. And Harry Potter?? The challenges are still going on. He's a witch. Books about Harry promote all kinds of bad stuff-- witchcraft and wizardry, children dressing up in costumes, wearing pointy hats and hanging out at Barnes and Noble until midnight waiting for copies of the next book. It's almost magical the way those books turn some kids on to reading! It's so CREEPY! It gives me the heebie-jeebies! But what about Where's Waldo? Why is THAT on the list?? Well-- I've heard tell somewhere in the book is a picture of a topless woman. (gasp!!) I haven't found it yet. Let me know if YOU do. Below is the list. Tomorrow I'll post the most challenged books from 2006.

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

OK--So I haven't blogged in awhile. . .

Now that my library program is over I've decided to use this blog for personal ranting and raving. . .

I have been spending a LOT of time with family lately. Because of their ultra-Conservative views, I have had to bite my tongue around them more than once to keep the peace. It seems almost any subject I bring up leads back to "those damn liberals."

Yesterday I happened to mention that the library where I work has been inundated with school children from two different school district's summer school programs. Public Libraries do not have rules about what children may check out. We simply cannot monitor their check-outs because most all libraries have self check-out stations where children may check out their own items. Further, there happens to be first ammendment laws prohibiting censorship in this country. Libraries are all about PROVIDING information, not prohibiting it. This has raised a somewhat sticky situation because some of the school children have checked out items parents and school staff believed were inappropriate. I explained to one parent that adults must lay down the rules and monitor what their own children bring into the home, or accompany their children to the library if they have concerns about children checking out inappropriate materials. In this case, since it was the school that brought the children, it was up to the school to discuss with the children what was acceptable to check out.

The Conservative (who will from now on be referred to as C. in this post) reaction was -- "WELL, I never had to be accompanied to the library when I was a kid. What kinds of books are kids checking out that they shouldn't?"

My answer-- "A boy wanted to check out a book that had pictures of guns in it. A parent felt he shouldn't have been allowed, but it wasn't my place to stop him from doing so, it was the parent's responsibility."

C-- "THAT shouldn't be allowed!!"

Now I was surprised by his reaction since he does not believe in tightening up our gun laws in any way. Evidently it's OK to have millions of guns floating around the country, but not OK to let children educate themselves by allowing them to check-out reading materials about guns from the public library. Hmmm.

I mentioned again the reason we could not disallow children from checking certain items out was because it was presumptuous on our parts to assume anything about the boy-- that he might be up to no good, or that his parents might object. I did not know the boy or the boy's parents. It wasn't my place to draw the line for each child who came into the library, I explained. I went on to tell C. that some people felt we shouldn't allow Harry Potter books in the library, for example, because they felt Harry Potter promoted the Wiccan religion. However, many others LOVED Harry Potter. I should not be held accountable for who may or may not be allowed to read Harry Potter. It's the same with gun books. Some parents might think reading about guns just fine. Personally I wouldn't have had a problem with my children learning responsible behavior about guns whether from a book or Cub Scouts.

"That's STUPID!" C. yelled, "There's nothing wrong with Harry Potter!"

"Yes, I agree, but it isn't my place to tell people what to read, . . . And then there are some people who don't think we should allow any books printed in Spanish or Chinese. . ," I informed him.

"WHY?!" C. asked in outrage?

"Because this is an English speaking country."

"THAT'S so STUPID!!" he exclaimed."

"So True." I agreed," There are lots of bi-lingual American citizens, not to mention citizens who like to brush up on other languages by reading. Additionally, those living here who aren't citizens still pay taxes to use our libraries. . . Also, there are people who think we should get rid of all books about sexual diseases, sexuality or anything to do with sex at all, which would include menopause or information about pregnancy or prostate cancer. Further, I don't know if you've ever noticed, but a lot of artists paint and sculpt nudes. The 700 section is full of it. Kids can check it out of course. It's not my place to say who should or shouldn't. Some parents are fine with their kids looking at art, others feel kind of squeamish about it. But gosh-- if we got rid of everything people complained about there would be nothing left."

"Well when I was a kid I lived in a small town and everyone knew everyone, so the librarian knew my parents and she knew what I was allowed to check out. THIS is so stupid!! THOSE damned LIBERALS! It's because they SUE everyone."

I had to bite my tongue. Didn't I just tell him about all the Conservatives who challenged books right and left? Good heavens--We can't go back to living in the 1930's again. Everyone doesn't know everyone anymore. Our population has grown a bit since the 1930s. We live in an age where children can get information off any computer practically anywhere within seconds and they can check out their own books at the library from a self check-out station.

But every time I disagree, he gets all upset, his blood-pressure rises, and I'm afraid he's going to have a heart attack. He is too old to understand, so I let it go. The world has changed. What scares me is he's still voting-- and he views the world as if it's still 1930.

The "problems" aren't caused by those "damned liberals." It's lack of tolerance. We need the damned Liberals to keep the damned Conservatives in line. Every time a Conservative challenges a library book there is a Liberal out there fighting for it and your right to read it. You don't like the book? Fine then! Don't read it! There are plenty of books I leave alone because they aren't my cup of tea-- BUT the difference between me and them is I LEAVE IT ALONE. I accept the fact that others may have a different take on life, a different viewpoint than me, and it's OK that we all have different views, opinions, tastes. NO-- It's more than OK. It's WONDERFUL!

Please --for the sake of Democracy-- just let books be.